Page 49 of Poolside

Tommy checked the time on the oven, flipping a cooking towel over one shoulder.Eight minutes. He tossed the spinach and berry salad one more time, and dipped a pinky into the dressing he’d made.Good.

Next, he wandered into the living room, where he’d made a half-assed attempt to do some unpacking. A framed photograph of his grandparents sat next to the TV. Some of his favorite history books were arranged on a bookshelf with a few professional awards:Top Selling Branch: 2014. Top Customer Service Area: 2016.

It was only as he’d started to unpack that he realized how little he had to show for his adult life. Most of the pictures, artwork, knick-knacks, and other items of sentimental value had all been connected to his marriage.

They’d had a collection of seashells from their yearly anniversary trips to Kiawah Island where they rented a beach house. There were the holiday photo shoots every year in their backyard, each of them in matching cream-colored sweaters.

What was left was dismal: pictures of Tommy and his family, a few of him and his friends, and then trophies fromwork, for fuck’s sake.

He should probably go buy some artwork. Anything to make his apartment look less depressing. Chuck would be?—

Fuck. Tommy rubbed the heel of his hand against his chest where there was an ache that just didn’t seem to go away.

A knock at the door had him shoving aside that topic for later.

“Hey!” He opened the door with a big smile. “Thanks for coming over.”

Rebecca and Darius both gave him long hugs, and their warmth was exactly what he needed. Darius was in a white t-shirt and jeans, and Tommy could tell he’d just gotten his hair cleaned up.

“Looking good, D,” he said, giving Darius a nod.

“Isn’t it?” Rebecca reached up to trail her fingers over the side of her husband’s head. “I finally convinced him to keep a little bit of the length up top.”

Darius smiled wide at Tommy, revealing the gap between his front two teeth, rubbing a palm over the tight curls on the top of his head. “What can I say? I’m a creature of habit.”

“Come on in,” Tommy said, leading them into the main living space. A tall bar separated the kitchen from the rest of the room, and he’d brought the extra chairs up from the garage so he had enough seats for all of them at the table.

“This is a nice place,” Darius said, looking around the room.

Tommy shrugged, struggling to believe the compliment. It felt like a step back, moving into an apartment after all those years of being a homeowner. Even a loft like this with the industrial accents that were in fashion felt sterile after pouring so much of himself into a home.

“Can I get you guys something to drink?”

Soon they were all arranged on the long L-shaped couch Tommy had bought as soon as he’d moved in. It was decent enough, with firm cushions and soft fabric, but was missing personal touches like the throw blanket and decorative pillows that Chuck had at his house.

He sat on one end of the couch, fiddling with the label on the beer bottle in his hands, while Darius and Rebecca sat side by side on the other, their bodies pressed together. Darius slung an arm behind Rebecca’s head, and his deep brown fingers brushed her shoulder in an absent rhythm. Rebecca tucked a leg up under herself, a soft, content expression on her face as she looked at Tommy.

“How are things?” she asked.

Tommy shrugged. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “I guess I’m just trying to move on, you know?”

“That’s good,” Darius said. “It’s been tough to watch you struggling.”

Tommy managed a weak smile. “Thanks, man.”

“So what does moving on look like? Are you dating, or are you trying to focus more on yourself before you dive into that?”

“I actually just went on a date last night.”

Darius broke out in a grin. “How’d it go?”

“It was good,” he said, and it was the truth. “There wasn’t a spark like I was looking for, but he was a great guy.” At Darius’ confused look, Tommy rushed to clarify. “I’m… I think I’m bisexual. It’s a new thing, and I’m trying to put myself out there. There’s already someone I’m interested in, but I don’t think he wants me back.”

Tommy had been in a bit of a funk in the wake of his date with Noah. He couldn’t help but wonder if he hadn’t already known Chuck, if he didn’t know whatthatfelt like, if things could have been different. Noah had looked handsome in his blue shirt, and Tommy had caught himself wondering what his thick belly would feel like against his body.

They met at a sushi place and enjoyed a relaxed meal and good conversation. Tommy had walked Noah back to his car, and, in a moment of courage—and maybe a little desperation—he’d kissed him.

It was a perfectly fine kiss. The mechanics of their tongues tangling and the way Noah had tasted like mint: it was all fine. But it had left Tommy with a glaringly empty feeling where there should have been heat and desire andwanting. Because he’d tasted that now, and didn’t think he could settle for anything less.

---