Page 35 of Poolside

“Okaaay. But back to your story about givin’ yourself a rub n’ tug while drivin’.”

“I wasn’t driving!”

“Tommy. The story.”

“Fuck. Fine. We were watching and then Chuck kicked me out of the house so that he could, you know, jack off. Which is fine, obviously. It’s good to masturbate. Sex is good. So then I was in my car and I kept thinking about, you know, Chuck.” He swallowed, realizing just what he was saying out loud. What he was putting words to for the very first time. “And I was feeling things. Lots of things. But I made sure to pull over somewhere private before I, you know,feltthings.”

Any pretense of cutting his hair faded. “So,” Rebecca began, speaking slowly. “Thinking about Chuckdoing thingsbrought up somefeelingsin you?”

Tommy nodded.

“Was it a Romans havin’ orgies thing or a Chuck thing?” Gone was the teasing and jabbing Maggie. He didn’t think he’d ever seen her so serious.

“I don’t know,” he admitted.And that was the fucking kicker, right there.

Rebecca caught his eye in the mirror. “How are you feeling about it now?”

How was he feeling about it?

“Fine,” he admitted. “I can’t pretend like it didn’t feel fucking good, like something cracked open in me that I can’t close again. I just can’t stop thinking about dicks and freckles.”

Both women blinked at him, their expressions thoughtful.

Tommy’s mind started spinning, filling in the quiet. “Is this weird? Does this need to be a thing? Do I need to sit everyone down and tell them that I’m thinking about a man and feeling things?”

Rebecca held up a hand to stop him. “Hey. Slow down.” She dropped her hand to his shoulder and squeezed. “You don’t have to do anything or tell anyone anything unless you want to. You don’t have to slap on a label if it doesn’t feel right. You get to take your time and explore, if that’s what you want.” A kind smile spread across her face. “People do change, you know. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

Tommy thought about it—exploring. Trying things out.Changing. He liked the sound of that. He could follow whatever this feeling was that some combination of Chuck andSpartacushad awoken in him.Surely there was porn for that…

“You know somethin’ Tommy?” Maggie sat down in the chair next to him. “We all give you shit for bein’ an asshole, but that’s all teasin’. There’s more to you than you let on.”

He snorted a laugh. “Thanks?”

She kicked out and nudged his foot with one of her boots. “That’s a good thing. It’s a good thing to be sweet. To be gentle. Our world tells boys they have to go out into the world with their fists up, but that’s a bunch of bullshit.”

“What she said.” Rebecca and Maggie high fived. “Let’s finish this cut before our next appointment gets here. And Tommy,” she leaned over and rested her chin on the top of his head, and something in him felt a little wobbly at the warmth in her smile. “If you need to talk about any of this, I’m here. Changes can be scary.”

The rest of the haircut passed in a bit of a blur. Tommy was aware that they had kept talking, but he had no idea what he’d said or what they’d talked about.

Exploring. Trying. Changing.

* * *

Tommy pulled up to the Avondale branch after his cut, happy to see the lot was practically empty.

Good. One of the most common misunderstandings about the rental car business was that you didn’t actually want to have a full lot on your hands. Cars on the lot were cars not making money.

The lobby was empty when he walked in with a paper bag in one hand and a bouquet of flowers in the other.

“Happy Friday, people!” he called out. Immediately, heads poked out from the office and the bank of computers along the back wall. “Where’s your fearless leader?”

James, a short, Black kid fresh out of college who had impeccable taste in suits, pointed to the back door. “Said she wanted to wash a car to get back into it, sir.”

Tommy laughed as he shook his head. “Sounds just like her. You guys have something in the back we could use as a vase for these?”

Maria, another one of the younger employees, jumped to her feet. “I’ve got it.”

“How are your brothers doing?” Tommy asked as he handed off the flowers and set the bag down on the counter. “Antonio’s team made the playoffs, right?”

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