Page 14 of Poolside

Tommy shrugged.Why was Chuck being dense about this?“Yeah, man. They’re hot. I’d kill for any of those gladiator bods. The quads on those guys?” He let out a low whistle.

Chuck looked like he was thinking about something really hard. His tongue traced his upper lip, and then he said, “You know that your body looks like that, right?”

Tommy knew that he worked hard for his body. It was one of the many things he’d deluded himself into thinking he was doing to make his ex-wife happy.Dumbass, he thought for the millionth time in the past year. He turned back to face the TV. “Hey, they’re going to the colosseum now. Fight time! Focus up!”

He didn’t want to think about everything he’d done wrong in his marriage. He’d been so certain, thinking that money and vacations and fancy dinners were what was required to keep a woman happy.

He knew how wrong he’d been now. The couple’s therapy had shown him that, and while their therapist had reiterated over and over again that their failed marriage was a responsibility he and Courtney shared, he couldn’t help but feel likehewas the one who’d fucked up. That it was all his fault.

That was the kind of shit that filled Tommy’s head when he was home alone. It was what he’d think about later that night when he got back to his bare apartment. When he walked around the pile of boxes he hadn’t brought himself to unpack.

It still didn’t feel real that he was alone. That even after everything he’d done to build himself a full life surrounded by a wife and friends, at the end of the day he went home alone.

He fucking hated it.

“I don’t actually want orgies,” Tommy heard himself say.

Chuck looked over at him.

Tommy let out a shaky breath. He wasn’t good at this, the wholesaying the shit in his head out loudthing. But for some reason he wanted to try.

“I’ve tried to pick up women,” he admitted. “In the last few months, I’ve tried to go to a bar and find a pretty woman and take her home. But I don’t think I’m cut out for casual. I don’t give a shit what other people do, but I just can’t do it. At this point in my life, I think I need to care about the person before hooking up with them.” Tommy cracked a grin. “Guess I’m going to be sitting on the sidelines until I find someone who will put up with me,” he joked.

Chuck didn’t laugh. “I get it,” he said softly. “I don’t think I want to settle for casual anymore. I want to go all in with someone: the romance, the companionship, and the sex.”

Something in Tommy’s chest loosened at Chuck’s admission. It was good to know he wasn’t the only one who wanted that; who couldn’t stomach a casual connection even if it meant getting off.

Silence settled between them as their attention returned to the combat playing out on the screen.

Tommy tried not to think about Chuck finding a significant other. Not because he didn’t want his friend to be happy, but because of what it could mean for their friendship.

He wasn’t ready to lose that.

* * *

Tommy made it to The Grove right around dusk, exhausted after helping the Johns Island branch move a bunch of cars so they wouldn’t be totally screwed for their morning reservations. His body was stiff after sitting in his car all day.

Next week he’d start swimming with Chuck. He wasn’t nervous, but he still felt nauseous when he thought about wide open lakes and weird fish that could see in the dark.

He knew he’d be fine. It was more time spent with Chuck, and time with Chuck was a good thing.

Tommy found his friends taking up two picnic tables this time, since neither Maggie nor Sage were working. Tommy thought about squeezing in between Chuck and David, but slid onto the bench next to Darius instead.

They exchanged a quick fist bump.

“How are the teenagers?”

Darius shook his head. “Unsurprisingly resistant to my attempts to teach them chemistry.”

Clapping him on the back, Tommy reached out to grab a chip from the tower of nachos, sticking his tongue out at Sage when she scowled at him. He glanced down at the chip, finding a large pile of sliced black olives perched on top. Leaning across the table, he put the nacho down on Chuck’s plate, before grabbing another for himself. To Darius, he said, “I’d pay attention if you were my teacher.”

“We were in chem together sophomore year,” Darius responded, giving Tommy an unimpressed look. “You didn’t do shit in that class.”

Tommy just shrugged. “I already knew I wasn’t going to be a chemist. Oh!” He dug out his phone from his back pocket, quickly navigating to a saved page. “Have you read this one?” He showed the screen to Darius.

Darius leaned forward, squinting his brown eyes. He nodded. “Yeah, it’s a good one. You’ll like all of the details from his time in Persia.”

Tommy was already ordering the book.

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