Page 68 of False Start

"It was a lot," Maya admits.

"Anyway," I finish somberly, "Cory and I had only beenofficialofficial for a few weeks by the time you came over. I didn't want to lose him, but I also didn't want to wait and lose him later, when it would hurt worse…like it did withyou."

Maya pulls me into a hug.

"Let's get one thing straight: you did notloseme. Was I pissed? Yes. Was I surprised?Also yes. I mean,damngirl! I thought Cory was fatphobic and then he turns around and dates my girlfriend, who's thicker than a Snickers?"

"When you put it like that," I laugh.

"Thank you!" she says, clearly feeling vindicated. Silence stretches between us, but it's much less strained now.

"I'm sorry, too, by the way," she says. "I said somenot nicethings the last time we talked. Things I regret. Please tell me we can get past this. Maybe not tonight, but someday?"

At the hopeful look on her face, I sag with relief. I really didn't want to lose her as a friend. She's not perfect—neither am I—but we fit together.Besties before testes, as Tiffany likes to say.

"If you can forgive me, then yes, we can get past this. And I promise, if I ever date again,—which I don't plan to do, because it's hard, and itsucks—I will tell you all the juicy details from day one. We can over-analyze texts," she giggles. "Ambush-call him on speakerphone. Interrogate him at brunch. Whatever you want."

She pulls me into another hug and this time, I melt into her, so glad I don't have to go it alone anymore. I lost my family, and I ended my relationship. My girls are all I have.

At that moment, Tiffany comes back from wherever she was hiding. She immediately wraps her arms around both of us.

"Awww! That's what I like to see. So, are we back to the Three Amigas?" Both Maya and I nod. "Thank God. Then let's get out of here and grab some food. I'm craving Veselka."

We start down the stairs of the center when Maya holds me back right inside the entrance.

"Denise, wait up." I turn to face her. "I know you just filled me in on everything and I don't want to overstep, but Idowant to clear something up. You areawesome. You are beautiful and talented andextremely loveable." I try to pull from her grasp, but she holds fast.

"It is totally up to you whether you end things with Cory for good, but I hope you don't assume he would leave you just because your asshole parents did. They didn't deserve you; anyone else would be lucky to have you."

She releases me with a wink, and I blink back tears before joining them in the freezing air for some late-night pierogies.

Chapter twenty-nine

Cory

XX DON'T CALL HER!! XX

XX DON'T CALL HER!! XX:The show last night was amazing.

XX DON'T CALL HER!! XX:I really hoped you might come, even to just say hi to the students.

I scowl at my phone as I make my way from the subway station to Mom and Dad's place. How do they do that? How do exes always know when you're finally getting the hang of being alone? When you've finally admitted that you'll have to watch the Netflix show you started together by yourself?

I didn't go to the show last night. Icouldn't. Not when she ripped my heart out almost two months ago and hasn't called since. I wasn't even going to keep volunteering at the center until Tiffany called me the first day I was a no-show andsworeshe'd find a time for me to come when neither Denise nor Maya would be there. The center needed the help. Thosekidsneeded help. I wasn't going to let my messy bullshit get in the way of giving back.

I'm sure that's what everyone thinks. That Denise quit me, so I quit volunteering. Let them think that. I know I'm not what they say I am. That I'm not as selfish or cold, despite a few slip-ups every now and again.

Last night, I got as far as the door to the center. I was intentionally late, and planned to stand in the back where no one would catch sight of me. After running into two students making out and sending them on their way with a stern warning,—I'd channeled my dad for that, seeing as I actually thought it was pretty funny—I saw Denise through the cafeteria doors.

The long braids were gone, replaced by smaller braids in a short bob that danced around her ears with every step. She was beaming, flitting to and fro to keep everything organized and on track. She was clearly made to do this. I knew in that moment that I couldn't watch her and not try to win her back. She's still the only woman besides my mom I've ever loved. Probably the only woman I everwilllove.

I ran back down the steps, out the door, and downstairs to the subway. I got on the first train that came, not even checking the line or direction. Hours passed as I rode in silence, occasionally switching lines or directions until I ended up in Canarsie.Fucking Canarsie! When I finally snapped out of it, the cab ride home was more than sixty bucks and it was past midnight.

I frown at my phone again and slide it back into my pocket. I won't crack. Not after all this time. If she can drop me at the drop of a hat, all because she's scared, how on earth are we supposed to go the distance? No. It's better just to eat the loss and move on.Even if it kills me.

"Oooh, hello, my beautiful boy!" Mom says when she opens the door. She hugs me tightly, squeezing the breath from my chest, and I soak up the much needed love and affection.

"Hi, Mom," I return, giving her back a small pat. Once I manage to disengage myself, I wander towards the smell of delicious food and the sound of laughter. My brothers are all already here, surrounding a table full of cajun classics: a massive pot of gumbo, crawfish étouffée, red beans and rice, and fried okra.

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