Page 75 of Shadow

I glanced over to see Sin.

“Hey,” I greeted him, straightening myself a bit.

“Hey,” he grunted, tipping his drink to his lips. He pulled out a joint, lit it a moment later, and dragged in a deep hit before offering it to me. “Want some?”

I didn’t make it a point to get high, but fuck it.

I took the joint from him and inhaled deeply before handing it back. I blew out the smoke and relished in the high that began to build inside me.

“Thought you’d tell me no,” he said, laughing softly.

“It was a test?”

“Everything is a fucking test.” He took another drag and blew out. “How is Sirena?”

“She’s good.” I took another drink of my beer. “She misses you guys,” I repeated to him what I’d told Ashes.

He said nothing, opting to smoke more.

“Don’t you miss her, Sinclair?”

He stared out at the lake for a long time. I wasn’t sure if he was even going to answer me.

“I’m dying without her,” he murmured. “I punish myself for my sins against her and Cadence. Tomorrow, Church is making Cady take a pregnancy test. She hasn’t had her period.”

My stomach dropped at his words.

“Are you OK?” I finally asked.

“No.” He shook his head. “I’m fucking not. I don’t know what I’ll do if it’s positive. I-I don’t want a fucking kid with Cadence.”

I nodded. I could understand that. It would mess up a lot of things.

“Keep the faith,” I said gently.

He scoffed. “Sirena won’t come back if I’ve knocked up her sister.”

I contemplated my answer for a moment before finally saying it.

“Listen, I don’t know if you don’t know Sirena the way I do or what, but you’re wrong. Sirena loves you.Intensely, Sinclair. Even if Cady is pregnant with your kid, she loves you both so much. You’re her family. You breaking up with her hurt her. It was a stupid as fuck thing to do because look at you now. Alone and miserable, wondering about the what-ifs with her. All you had to do was realize you had the most wonderful girl in the world. That alone would make everything better. You don’t even know how fucking lucky you are.”

He was quiet for a long beat.

“I didn’t want to break up with her. I just didn’t know what else to do. I-I feel so guilty, but I know I’d do it again if it meant she was OK. She means everything to me. Does that make me a bad person?”

“No. It doesn’t. You need to tell her you love her and want her back,” I said. “Tell her how you’re feeling instead of keeping it locked inside. She’s an excellent listener.”

He stared out at the lake again for a long time.

“I know she is. She’s everything I’ve always wanted. I just…fuck.” He blew out a breath. “Could you do me a favor?” he finally asked.

“Sure. Name it,” I answered.

He looked over at me, his eyes glassy from his alcohol and high.

“Fuck her for me.”

I blinked rapidly and raised my eyebrows at him.

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