Page 19 of Shadow

“You’re so fucking not.” He let out a laugh. “It’s cute that you keep pretending.”

“Like you fucking know.” I gave him a sour look.

“You don’t think I do?” He smirked at me. “I can tell you want her so fucking much that you’re considering just taking what you want. She’s kissed you. You think about how soft her lips were. How sweet she tasted. The way she pressed her body against yours beneath the moonlight and how fucking much you wanted to let go that night.”

I clenched my jaw as I glared at him, hating his words. Not because they were wrong. Because he was right. While I didn’t want to do that to her, I knew deep down I was desperate for her. It was killing me inside.

“When I fucked her for the first time, it was awful,” he said softly, his entire mood shifting. “I wanted her so fucking much, but not like that. Not with those pricks behind the mirror watching. It was fuck her or get fucked. They’d have tied me and Malachi down and stuck their cocks in us while forcing us to watch the monsters take her until they had their fill.” A muscle popped along his jaw.

“I hate that happened,” I whispered, my hands trembling with the anger I felt.

“Me too,” Asylum said, sitting back in the chair, his blue eyes focused far away. “I don’t fuck women in a sweet, tender way. I don’t care if they ever get off. I’ll bend them over a fucking park bench and blow my load inside them and walk away without a second look. I don’t let them kiss me. But her?” He closed his eyes. “I did the best I could do given the situation. It wasn’t nearly good enough. Someday, I’ll get a second chance to have her, and when I do?” He opened his eyes and stared at me.

“What?” I asked, frowning at him.

He shrugged. “I can’t tell you. It’s a surprise.”

I rolled my eyes at him. “What about Mirage?”

It was his turn to roll his eyes. “He has his own plans. Eventually.” He tapped his head and cocked it to the left, and smiled. “Fuck you. You think so?”

He was so strange. I didn’t push it, though. I let him talk to the air because it took the heat off me.

I got up, went to the mini fridge in my room, grabbed an ice pack, and pressed it against my swollen cheek before sitting on my bed again.

“So. When it’s time to be with my firefly, how are you going to do it?” he asked, apparently done with his conversation.

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean. You want her alone and not with an audience?”

I sighed. “I’m used to being the audience. It would be nice to be center stage for once.”

He smirked at me. “You like watching.”

“So?” I challenged, my throat tight.

His smirk widened to a full-blown grin. “You’re just as fucked up as the rest of us here. You’re just really good at hiding it.” He tsked at me. “So tell me. You want to be alone with the watchers when you get your dick wet for the first time?”

I shot him a sour look.

“Come on, man. I divulged some shit about my experience with her. It’s your turn now.”

“I didn’t realize we were in a sharing circle,” I muttered.

“Well, we are. Tell me.”

I sighed. “I want to be alone with whoever it is I do it with the first time.”

He nodded. “I figured as much. How do you think you’ll handle watching the Watchers fuck into her body?”

I looked away from him momentarily. “I don’t know, man. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“But it’s my firefly, isn’t it? She’s who you want to lose it to.”

I shook my head and breathed out. There was no sense in lying to him about it. “Yeah.”

He got up and sat next to me on the bed. “I’m not great at advice, but I’ll tell you this. She wants you, too. Play the long game with her. Go as slow as she needs. It’s how you’ll get in with the Watchers.”

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