Page 33 of Shadow

The world felt far away, like maybe it was waiting outside the door, but couldn’t quite get in. I figured it was all my worries just causing more anxiety. They gave me meds for that, but I didn’t want to rely on meds constantly to keep me sane. I was at Chapel Crest, though, and the last thing I could be classified as was sane, considering I’d killed a guy and dismantled his body only nights before.

When the plates were cleared and the meal's warmth had settled in my stomach, I slipped upstairs with a plate of food covered in foil. The hallway was dark. I walked on tiptoe past the closed rooms until I reached hers.

Cady’s door was still locked.

I knocked softly, three times. No answer, just like I knew there would be. I frowned and stared at the dark mahogany door. Church kept the key on him. If she didn’t come down soon, I’d make him give me the key so I could go in. Eventually, she’d have to face me and let me try to fix things. I wasn’t sure how I would, but I’d damn well try. I didn’t want her to be sad or mad at me. I loved Cady. She was really the only family I had. We had our mom, but she seemed to be Jerry’s more than ours these days.

I set the plate down and crouched, pressing my hand to the wood like I could feel her on the other side before I knocked lightly.

Please eat, Cady. Come out and talk to me. Please…

No answer.

I closed my eyes, breathing in through my nose. The silence was a wall I was tired of being trapped behind. A tear slid down my cheek as I waited, hoping she’d open the door. But nothing. Just like every night before.

Quickly, I wiped at my tears and left the plate before I padded back down the hall, not to Church’s room, but downstairs to Sin’s. I needed his calm.

I crawled into his bed anyway—black sheets, warm and soft, still carrying his scent of cedar and rain. I pulled the covers up to my chin and lay on my side, staring at the shadows that painted the ceiling.

What was I doing?

I wanted to scream. I wanted tospeak—to demand answers, to beg Cady to let me in, to tell the boys that I was drowning under the weight of being helpless again. But I couldn’t. I was locked in the same way she was. Just quieter.

I hated it.

Why now? Why had she shut down after all this time? After everything we’d survived?

The ugly thought of what Adam said he made Cady and Sin do together raced through me. As much as I kept trying to make the thought disappear, chalking it up as a fear tactic and Adam’s sickness, I felt there was more to it than that.

And that terrified me.

I curled tighter, pressing my face into the pillow. The tears came silently and furiously, but I let them. Let them soak into the darkness, unseen.

I didn’t know how to fix this. I didn’t know if Icould.

I knew I wasn’t strong enough to do it alone.

But I didn’t have the words to ask for help. At least not yet.

ASYLUM

“Iwant to come back,” Mirage said.

I stared into the mirror, looking at myself.

“Soon.”

“Not soon. What the fuck? You can’t just goddamn keep taking over, man. I deserve to be with her, too.”

“I’mnotwith her,” I snarled, raking my fingers through my black hair. “I’m trying to get shit sorted. You know what we’ve seen. It has to be this way. I know you want to be here, but you have to bethere. OK?”

Mirage let out a frustrated sigh.

The door to my dorm opened, and Shadow stomped into the room.

“Who are you talking to?” he called out. “Do you have company?”

“We’ll talk later,” I murmured, pushing away from the sink and mirror and going into the bedroom area to see Shadow sitting on the edge of his bed.

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