Page 137 of Shadow

Everyone knew Church’s issues. He was a killer. A complete and true psycho. Mirage was schizophrenic with multiple personalities on paper. Stitches was bipolar and suffered from ADHD and anger issues. Sin had a personality disorder. Attachment issues. Hated himself more than he hated people, which said a lot. Sirena was mute from trauma.

And me.

A fucking freak of nature.

“No one is going to make fun of you,” Ashes continued gently. “But we do deserve to know you if you’re joining us.”

He was right. I knew he was.

“No shame in being different,” Mirage murmured. “We’re all a little strange.”

I sighed and looked to Sirena on Church’s lap. Her big, pretty eyes stared back at me. Comforting. Assuring.

If she thought it was OK, then I’d do it. For her, I’d do it all.

I blew out a calming breath and rubbed my hands down my thighs as a means to ground myself. I was just going to lay it all out for them.

“I have something called hyperthymesia,” I said.

“What the fuck is that?” Stitches demanded. “Your cock diseased or some shit? If that’s that case, you’re fucking out, dude.”

“No,” I said sourly, shooting him a glare. “My cock isn’t diseased. Hyperthymesia is a rare…disorder. It means I can remember everything in exceptional detail.” I paused and licked my lips. “I even remember my birth.”

“Oh, what the fuck?” Sin murmured. “Like, full-on coming out of your mom?”

I nodded and looked at my hands. “I remember every-fucking-thing. My father hated it. I was a piece of shit freak as far as he was concerned. He abused me because of it. Beat me. Verbally fucked me up. When my friend Kevin kissed me, he walked in on it, and that was it. The final straw to get me out of his house. He was friends with Everett. I was sent to him. And that’s what I’ve done since. Here and memorizing shit for Everett. Being used by him and his fucking cronies. A spy. A shadow.” I swallowed and didn’t look up.

“He used me, too,” Stitches finally said softly, his voice cracking. “He let them fuck me. Probably fucked me himself as well, but I was so high on the drugs they pumped into me that I didn’t know a face from a cock.”

“I’m sorry,” I said thickly. “I am. I’ve been fondled and fucked with too. Nowhere near the caliber of what you went through. I’m still a virgin in ways that count. But I want them dead. We share a lot of similarities, it would seem.”

“And now we share a girl.” Stitches sighed and sat back in his seat. “Totally fucked up. Who would have thought you and I were so much… alike.”

“Who would have thought,” I murmured.

“Wait. Do you remember being in the womb?” Ashes asked. “Because if you remember coming out… I’m sorry. This is fucking my head up.”

Everyone looked at me.

“I do remember some things. They’re foggy, but I do remember.”

“That’s so fucked up,” Ashes muttered. “Damn. So do you forget things?”

“Never,” I answered. “Everything is perfect detail. I’m exceptionally rare. Probably one of the only ones of my kind to the caliber I am.”

“That’s wild,” Church said. “No wonder my father collected you. He did that with Seth here. The voices. The visions. He likes tools he can twist, exploit, and use.”

“Does it ever make you feel crazy?” Sin asked.

“Yes.” I nodded. “The fact I can recall everything makes some things hurt way more. I wish I could forget some things.” I bounced my legs and raked my fingers through my hair. I had so many fucked-up memories in my head. So many things I begged God every night to take away, but like always, they remained.

“It’ll get better,” Mirage said. “Someday. All the ugly things will be replaced with beautiful ones. You’ve already started that journey.”

I looked at Sirena, who stared back at me with her large, luminous eyes.

“I have,” I whispered. “And I would do anything for her.”

Church said something to her I couldn’t hear, and a moment later, so sliding onto my lap. I hugged her to me, pressing a fierce, possessive kiss to her temple.

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