Page 94 of Before You Go

As we go through our regular nightly routine and start getting ready for bed, it hits me that I almost missed out on this.

If she hadn’t ended up pregnant and been willing to accept my half-assed proposition of taking this slow, I would never have gotten to experience this type of intimacy with her. The moments I’m sure some people take for granted because they are so routine they seem inconsequential. Like standing next to your person brushing your teeth or having a cup of coffee in the morning talking about your plans for the day. Moments that I look forward to every day because they are filled with her presence and the peace that she brought into my life.

CHAPTER 24

Dayton

I always thought that I had a monster that lived within me just under the surface of my skin, but as I listen to Charles Feller tell the story of the day he murdered Alice in cold blood, I know I was wrong. I did what I had to in order to survive. He killed because he had seen Alice and had become obsessed with the idea of having her, and since he knew that she would want nothing to do with him, he decided to take what he wanted.

The morning of her murder, he watched Greg leave for work, and then, not long after that, he saw Greg’s mother pull up, only to leave a few minutes later with her grandson. It was the first time in all the months that he had been watching Alice that he knew for certain that she was alone. Realizing that it might be his only opportunity, he went over to her apartment, knocked, and when she opened the door, he asked if he could borrow a couple of eggs or something else; with the years that passed, he doesn’t remember the details.

Being Alice, she said yes and left him at the door, but he followed her inside. He could tell that she was nervous having him in the house with her, so he played it cool at first in an attempt to get her to let her guard down, but she was so freaked that she asked him to leave. It was then that the switch was flipped. He knew that if he left, he’d never have her, so he grabbed the closest thing he could use as a weapon, which was one of the knives from the butcher block on the counter, and used it in an attempt to get her to agree to have sex with him. Instead of being compliant, she tried to get away, and that was when he attacked. He stabbed her one time in the back, which slowed her down, allowing him to get on top of her and undo the button of her jeans. And realizing his intent, she fought harder against him. At that point, he claims he blacked out, and when he came to, he was on top of her, the knife was broken, and it was obvious that she was dead.

Covered in blood, he got undressed, showered, and took clothes from the back of a closet, shoving his bloody clothes into a trash bag. He snuck out a back window, tossed his stuff in a dumpster a few blocks over, and then went back to his brother’s house only to tell him that he was leaving town. And that is exactly what he did. He left and never looked back. It wasn’t until years later when he was sitting in a police station, that he even thought about Alice again. When the police made it obvious that they were going to do everything in their power to dismiss his confession, he decided that he wouldn’t bother trying to convince them.

At the age of seventy-six, it’s hard to believe that the old man with silver hair and drawn features sitting across the courtroom would be capable of the crime he committed, but when he finishes talking, there is no denying that he is a true monster or that he deserves to be locked away for the rest of his life.

I don’t know if his plea for forgiveness will ease his guilt or have any kind of effect on what happens to him when he dies, but I do know that it offers no comfort to Greg, his son, Nicole, or Heather. There isn’t a dry eye in the courtroom, as Judge Brown adds to his life sentence. And with so much animosity still swirling around Alice’s family and Greg, no one is brave enough to extend an olive branch before they leave the courthouse. I can only hope that, eventually, they will be able to sit down and talk. After weeks of getting to know Alice through her friends and family, I know she would have wanted that. She would have wanted them to forgive each other but I’m not sure that will ever happen.

By the time I get home that evening, I’m emotionally drained, and sensing my mood and my reluctance to talk about what happened in court, Franny does what she has done since the moment we met; she sticks close and offers me a sense of normalcy that I didn’t even know I was missing until her. We have dinner, watch a show on TV, and just sit together until I’m ready to broach the subject of what happened. I don’t give her the details; I don’t want that in her head when she goes to sleep, but I give her enough so that she knows Alice’s family has finally gotten the truth.

And late that night, long after she’s fallen asleep in my arms, I feel my son move and it’s the reminder I need that life goes on. That even when things are bleak, there is always something to look forward to. And I have a whole life with Franny and our son to look forward to and I will never take that for granted.

Epilogue

DAYTON

“Remind me why I handed over the planning of Chance’s birthday party to my mom?” Franny whispers, falling into the seat next to me, resting her hands on her belly.

“Because you’re pregnant and due any day.” I curl her into my side. “And your mom likes throwing parties and feeling involved.” I kiss the side of her head. “Plus, we don’t have to clean up after this.”

“We wouldn’t have had to clean up if we booked Chuck-e-Cheese like every other normal family with a five year-old.” She looks up at me. “I just saw a camel, a real-life camel, being walked by a clown in the backyard.”

“I’m sure the kids love it.”

“I guess.” She winces, rubbing her belly, and I frown.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, just a little uncomfortable.”

“Are you having contractions?”

“No.”

“Francisca,” I growl, and she looks over at me.

“I promise I’m okay, big guy. Relax.”

“Excuse me if I have a hard time believing you, baby. You didn’t tell me that you were having contractions with Chance, and I almost ended up having to deliver him on the bathroom floor.”

“Don’t be so dramatic.” She sighs.

“Dramatic? He was crowning when the ambulance showed up, you gave birth to him on the way to the hospital.”

“I didn’t know I was in labor; I thought I just had gas.”

“Do you think you have gas right now?”

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