Page 118 of Cross Check Hearts

She starts crying softly, then angrily wipes the tears away with the back of her free hand and throws her hands in the air in frustration.

“I don’t know. That’s part of the problem!” she blurts, then crumples and starts crying again, burying her face in her hands.

Watching her cry, witnessing her pain like this, makes my heart feel like it’s being ripped from my chest. I can’t stand it, and I don’t know what else to do, so I wrap my arms around her and hold her close to me. She keeps crying, her body shaking against mine, and I can’t even put into words how helpless I feel. Everything has spun completely out of my control, and I don’t know what to do.

All I know is that I want her to stop hurting. And I’d do anything,giveanything, to make that happen.

“I’ve got you,” I whisper into her hair. “I’m right here. I’ve got you.”

Hannah cries until there’s nothing left, her body gradually stilling against mine. She finally pulls away a little, her breathing ragged as she attempts to wipe her face with the back of her hand. The tears have left her makeup in ruins, dark smudges beneath her eyes that somehow make her look even more fragile.

I rub her shoulder, my throat tight. “You can tell me, even if you don’t have the full answer yet. Whatever this is, you don’t have to carry it alone.”

Her expression twists like she’s going to start crying again, and although she lets out a few strangled sounding sobs, she holds herself together and wipes her face with her hand again, shaking her head.

“I don’t know what it is. I really don’t. For all I know, it could be nothing.” She trails off, watching my face carefully as if there’s more she wants to say but isn’t sure she should. Finally, she sighs and bites her lip, then looks over at the monitor set up beside her bed. “But it could also be a brain tumor.”

“What?”

The whole world seems to screech to a halt around me and time instantly stops. I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut. A million or more possibilities have been racing through my head ever since she collapsed at the arena, but not this.

“They don’t know for sure yet,” she continues, her voice barely above a whisper. “The doctor said they needed to run more tests to be certain. But the symptoms… my headaches, the vision problems…”

It doesn’t feel fair. Or right. How could something like this even be a possibility for someone so sweet, so selfless? No one deserves to face this kind of uncertainty, but especially not someone like Hannah. My gut twists because I wish like hell I could trade places with her—but I know I can’t, no matter how badly I want to.

Get it together, Murray. She needs you to be strong right now.

An internal voice cuts through the shroud of shock encasing me, and I blink, refocusing on Hannah. She’s staring at me with pain all over her face and fresh tears streaking down her cheeks.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I should’ve told you, but I was scared. I still have so much baggage from watching Casey get sick and die, and I couldn’t stand to put you through that.”

Realization crashes into me like a speeding car—because suddenly everything that made zero sense before makes perfect sense. Hannah didn’t really want to break up with me, she was trying to protect me in her own way.

“That’s why you pulled away, isn’t it? Why you wanted to end things with me?” I ask with my head spinning. I get why she’d feel that way, but she couldn’t be further from the truth. It would’ve killed me not to be here by her side for something like this, so it’s lucky in a dark sort of way that it happened during one of my games. I don’t even want to think about how shitty I’d feel if it happened anywhere else when I wasn’t there.

“You were trying to spare me from what might happen,” I say, the pieces finally falling into place.

Hannah nods, and something powerful rushes through my chest. I grip both her hands in mine and hold her gaze because I don’t want her to miss a single word of what I’m about to say.

“Remember what you told me before about cherishing the good moments when you have them?” She nods again, and my voice turns rougher as I continue. “You were right. It’s not about how long you have them, or a guarantee that things will last forever. It’s about living for today and going after what you want, even if it means you might have your heart broken in the future.”

A tear traces a path down Hannah’s cheek, and it almost breaks me, but I have to keep going. I need her to hear this, to really hear it.

“Every moment—every single fucking one—that I’ve spent with you has been a good one. The best moments of my life. So I have no interest in being ‘spared’ the possible pain of losing someone I love. Because Iloveyou. And I’m sick of hiding it,” I tell her, and she goes completely still.

“What did you say?” she whispers, her breath hitching.

“I love you, hummingbird,” I repeat, my voice low and full of conviction. “I love you so damn much that I don’t know what to do with it sometimes. It’s like it’s too much for my heart to handle, like it’s overflowing. When you hurt, I hurt too. That’s how I know it’s real.”

“Declan…” she breathes, her eyes wide and luminous with tears. “I… I love you too.”

She whispers the words through trembling lips, and something unlocks inside my chest. I can’t stop myself from leaning in to press my lips to hers. I want to kiss her so deeply that there’s no space left between us, no separation at all between our bodies, hearts, and souls. But I hold back the intensity of it, letting my emotions pour through the connection of our lips as gently as I can. She’s been through a lot, and I don’t want to hurt or overwhelm her.

When the kiss finally ends, I can’t help going back for one small peck, and I brush my nose against hers as I beg, “Say it again.”

“I love you.”

I make a contented sound. “Fuck, those are the best three words I’ve ever heard.”

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