Page 107 of A Good Book

“Because I’m deaf.”

She shook her head.

You’ve been deaf, but haven’t wanted to learn it. Is this because of Laurel?

I squinted, slowly shaking my head. “I’m going to be a dad. I have to find a way to communicate in the world. Get a better job. Go back to school. Whatever.”

Why did she look so crestfallen? What was wrong with doing exactly what she’d been wanting me to do for months?

She capped the pen and walked to the door, opening it before signing, “Go away.”

“I’m not going away. You can’t kick me out for doing what you wanted me to do.”

She fisted her hands and said something before closing her eyes. In the next breath, she slammed the door and scribbled more words.

I’ll do this on my own. I’ll raise this baby with someone who loves me.

What was that supposed to mean? My jaw dropped, and all words escaped me.

“Are you serious?” I stood, parking both hands on my hips. “Nobody loves you more than I do. Our friendship has just been various phases of me loving you, from near, from afar, from everywhere. I’ve spent more of my life loving you than doing anything else. I loved you before I knew the feelings I had for you were love. But they were. They are. And they always will be.”

She shook her head and furiously wrote more words.

You’re here because I’m pregnant. You’re learning ASL because I’m pregnant.

“What’s your point?”

She scowled.

I wanted you to come back for ME! I wanted you to learn ASL for ME! But I wasn’t allowed to make anything about me. Clearly nothing has changed.

I held out my hands, palms up, before raking my fingers through my hair. “I’ll concede that I’ve been an asshole for the past six months. But before I lost my hearing, my world revolved around you. Whatever you thought or think you feel for Matt, take that times a thousand.” I shook my head. “No. Take it times infinity, and that’s what I’ve felt for you. So I get it. The reason I’ve been so patient with your obsession is because I know what it’s like to want someone beyond reason. I know what it’s like to wait an eternity for that person to see you. And I know the fear and courage it takes to tell them.”

She slowly shook her head as if it wasn’t a fair comparison. And she was right. It wasn’t. Her feelings for Matt were nothing compared to mine for her.

“Yes. Gabby.Yes.” I took her face in my hands. “I told you Michigan was the only school that offered me a scholarship, but I lied. I had three other offers. But I chose this one. Do you know why?”

Tears filled her eyes.

“Because I want to be with you. Even if it means I have to watch you pine for another man, I’ll take it. I just want tobe with you, and I’ll take absolutely anything you’ll give me.”

Gabby blinked, releasing several tears with it.

I rested my forehead on hers. “I’m sorry it took this for me to come to my senses. And I will try so hard to pretend that I’m not scared out of my mind, that I know what I’m doing, and that I won’t let you down. And I’ll try to pretend that it doesn’t hurt to feel like you wish this baby belonged to him.”

She stepped back, shaking her head and pointing to herself, then made two fists and crossed her arms in an X over her chest before pointing to me while mouthing “I love you.” Then she spelled “Not Matt.”

“Because we’re having a baby?”

Again, she shook her head and turned. A few seconds later, she held up the notepad.

Despiteyou knocking me up. When you kissed me, my heart exploded. My dreams died because they couldn’t compare to what was real. You are real.We are real.

Her words choked me up, so I swallowed hard. “Do you mean that?”

She nodded, stepping toward me and wrapping her arms around my waist, face buried in my neck for a long breath. Then she pressed her lips to my skin for a soft kiss. I removed her arms from my waist and kneeled at her feet. When I looked up at her, she grinned, sliding one hand into my hair and resting the other on my cheek.

Then I lowered my chin and kissed her belly. She continued to tease her fingers in my hair while her other handed lifted her sweater.

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