Page 42 of Without You I Have Nothing To Lose

“Nah, Daizha wit’ me. Aye, I’ll call you back.” I hung up before he could respond, and I continued to drive in silence. I didn’t want to talk about the shit because it would only be a reminder of what I no longer had.

When we got home, I helped Daizha out of the car and got our bags out and sauntered inside. I didn’t even stop in the living room. I went straight to the room. I sat down on the edge of the bed and dropped my head into my hands and let my tears fall. I didn’t care how it made me look. I was hurting. I was hurting for the ten-year-old lil’ boy who got stripped away from his mama. I cried for the teenage boy who resented everybody because he missed his mama. I cried for the man who didn’t know how to love properly because he lacked that from his own mama. I cried because I just got her back and now she was gone, and this time she wasn’t coming back.

“Fuck!” I growled, throwing the lamp off the nightstand. Daizha came running in to check on me and when she saw me crouched down on the floor, she got down on the floor with me and cradled me in her arms.

“I just got her back, man. This sit ain’t fair. I shouldn’t have waited so long to reach back out. The fuck I’m supposed to do now?” I cried, not caring how it made me look.

“She knew you loved her. Her coming back to say her peace was what she was waiting for. She didn’t want to leave you here without knowing her reasoning. She wanted you to have closure. Look at it this way, she’s your guardian angel now and you still have Zeus, Isabella, Jaylen, and me. We’re you’re family and we love you. You even have Kevon and my family. They’re yours now, too. Just know that I won’t allow you to push me away, but I’ll let you handle this your own way. You wouldn’t let me go through my dark time alone and I won’t do that to you. Okay.” I looked at her face and she had tears streaming down it, just like I did mine. If I didn’t love this girl before, I damn sure did now.

***

Zeus called me because Juanita had him listed as her emergency contact, but because they weren’t really related, I had to go identify her body. That shit made me sick to my stomach. I couldn’t even make her arrangements. We didn’t have family, so Ma Izzy put together a small service for just us and Kev and his mama and I had her cremated. I had her ashes on a table in the corner of my living room. She had a photo album, and it had pictures of the two of us in it when I was younger. I had it sitting beside her urn. I still can’t believe that this shit happened. I used to worry about being out here in the world alone, but I gained a family who loved me and a girl that loved me even more. That didn’t make up for the loss I took, but it made it easier to cope with.

Epilogue

Daizha

Six months later

Overthepastsixmonths things have turned out for the best for me. I was now in a loving and respectful relationship with a man who truly adores me and has no problem showing me. I have my immediate family back in my life and that was a blessing within itself. I was glad that things between me and my mama turned out the way that they did. I just hate that I had to leave home and go through the things that I did in order for it to happen, though. Even though leaving home led me to Demetric, I still missed out on valuable time that I couldn’t get back with my mama and brother.

Thing between me and Demetric couldn’t be better. When he declared us to be soul mates, I thought he was just talking, but it’s obvious that we are. Everything with us flows just flows so effortlessly. The only thing that we bumped heads on was me working. He was dead set against it. He made this big deal that his daddy took care of Isabella, and he raised him to do the same. I couldn’t sit in the house every day, so I enrolled in a local community college to take a few classes to occupy my time. I wanted to take something that would assist me in counseling teenage girls who went through the same thing that I did. I had nobody to turn to and I don’t want that for them. Jaylen even enrolled, so I wouldn’t be alone. Ariel even became a close friend. I kept her at a distance in the past because I didn’t trust too easily, and Gabe always found a way to sabotage any friendships that I tried to form, anyway.

Today we were having dinner at his parent’s house. Every Sunday, Ma Izzy cooked a big dinner and had us over…Kevon too. I was wrapping my locs up when Demetric waltzed into the bathroom where I was.

“You been in here for half an hour, bae. I know you’re ready by now?” he questioned, coming behind me and wrapping his arms around me and kissing the exposed part of my neck.

“I was trying to wrap my hair up. I’ll be done in a minute.” I looked at his reflection in the mirror and my insides melted. At one point of time, the sight of a man disgusted me. Running into him was the best thing that could have happened to me.

“Can you hurry up, please? I’m hungry as fuck and unless you want me to eat you, I’d suggest you hurry up.” Kissing my neck again, and smacking me on my butt, he left out the bathroom, leaving me to finish up. After finishing my wrap, I put a pair of my signature hoops on and headed to find him so we could leave. I found him in the living room watching TV. When he saw me, he gave me that look that used to make me self-conscious. Now it gave me butterflies.

“You’re lucky I’m hungry but be prepared to get fucked at my people’s house. Ain’t no way I’m waiting until we get back home.” He grabbed his keys and escorted me outside to his car. Thirty minutes later, we were pulling up to his parent’s house and he let us in. Zeus and Kevon were sitting in the living room watching a game on TV when we walked in. Both of the men greeted me with hugs. When we were in the kitchen, the ladies were in there with their wineglasses and Ma Izzy was maneuvering around the kitchen like a pro.

“Ma, I know you finished cooking,” Demetric groaned.

“Hello to you too, hijo. I’m not, but I will be in a few,” she informed.

“Man. I could’ve stayed home until you were finished then.” he frowned while both ladies laughed at his expense.

“You were just trying to fuck on my friend,” Jaylen mentioned.

“Stay out of my business. Maybe somebody needs to fuck on you,” he snapped back.

“Cut it out! Hijo, go back in there with the men. We’ll come get y’all when the food is done.” He stood there for a few minutes just staring blankly but eventually turned around and left.

“Daizha, you have my baby boy’s head gone.” Isabella smiled warmly.

“That boy just spoiled,” Jaylen butted in.

“And you’re not?” Isabella countered.

“We’re not talking about me, though. He stays up Daizha’s butt.”

“It’s only going to get worse when that baby gets here,” Isabella voiced.

“What baby?” I asked.

“The one that you’re carrying. It’s all over you and clearly him, too.” I had to look at her like she was crazy because I knew I wasn’t pregnant.

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