Page 37 of Without You I Have Nothing To Lose

“Man, shut yo’ bitch ass up. The fuck you come for if you gon’ complain every damn time. You scared of that nigga or something?”

“I ain’t scared of shit, but the fuck I look like volunteering to die for?” He looked at me with that dumb ass look on his face.

“Whatever, scary ass nigga. I’m up. I got shit to do.”

“Aight. Hit me up later.” We slapped hands, and I got in my car and headed to my next destination. I called Daizha first, though.

“Hello?” she answered.

“Wassup, baby girl? What you doing?” I asked.

“Sitting here with Jaylen. How did your meeting go?”

“It went.” I didn’t talk to her too much about what I had going on, but she wasn’t in the dark.

“That’s good. You’re on your way to see Juanita?” she asked.

Huffing, I answered. “Yeah.”

“Okay. Remember, you wanted to do this so don’t be too hard on her, okay?”

“I hear you, baby. I’ll there a lil’ later, aight?”

“Okay. Be careful.”

“Always.”

I rode the distance to the facility that Juanita told me that she was staying in. It wasn’t far from where I was, so it took me no time to get there. When I got there, I sat in the car for a few minutes before I got myself together. Once inside, I headed straight for the receptionist area and asked for Juanita Cole. After waiting for about ten minutes, I was called back, and I met Juanita in what I assumed was a common area. When she saw me, her face lit up.

“Hey, Mee…Demetric. This is a surprise,” she greeted.

“Yeah, I know. How you been?” I asked.

“I’m okay. A lil’ weak, but I’ll be fine.” I’d be lying if I said that her telling me she was weak didn’t bother me, because it did.

“You been eating?”

“When I can. I can’t keep much down most days. Enough about that, though. How have you been?”

“I’ve been straight. Adjusting to this relationship shit,” I answered honestly.

“You make it seem like it was your first one?”

“Technically, it is. I had women, but I never claimed any of them.”

“Why is that?”

“Because of you. I didn’t want to get attached to anybody and then they up and left me. I wasn’t equipped to handle that shit a second time.” She looked at me with eyes full of regret. I know I said I would work on forgiving her, but the shit was hard.

“I’m sorry about that, Demetric. I really am. I knew I couldn’t continue to subject you to that lifestyle, so when they came, I let you go. I felt like you were better off. Once I told the worker to look up your father, it was like the Universe wanted you to have a family like I knew you always wanted. I don’t want you giving Zeus a hard time because he really didn’t know about you. I only messed around with him a few times. He was actually the only guy I messed with for months. That’s why when I got pregnant, and they told me how far along I was, I knew it was his.”

“Did you try to get in contact with him so you could tell him?”

“No. I left well enough be enough. We were both young, but I did what I had to do to provide for you. I did my best. You never went without and always had the best that I could afford.”

“You know I used to wish my mama was a crackhead instead of a hoe? I really thought a crackhead would be less embarrassing than seeing my classmates’ daddies come in and out of our house. That was some fucked up shit to experience, but you know what? I’d rather that than being shipped off to a group home. For three years I waited for you to come back for me, but you never did. That shit fucked me up.”

“I never took relationships serious. I gave Zeus and Isabella hell for the first three years there, until Zeus put me on my ass. I guess that was around the time he learned he was my pops. You know I dated older women so I could try to fill that void that you left?” She didn’t say anything.

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