Page 10 of Without You I Have Nothing To Lose

Iwasstaringatthetime on the clock, waiting for the time to pass. Home was the last place I wanted to be, but I didn’t want to be here either. My mind has been all over the place since Demetric left. I don’t know what his deal was, but I didn’t need him coming in and causing more chaos in my life. The night he dropped me off, Gabe didn’t believe that I wasn’t fuckin’ him and made me have sex with him before I took my shower. My pussy was drier than it normally was because I damn sure didn’t want him touching me after accusing me of sleeping with somebody else. I guess he was satisfied because he didn’t mention it again. That was a few weeks ago, and I had just pushed everything to the back of my mind until Demetric showed up again. His words seemed sincere, but they always say the good shit that they think you want to hear, then they change. That’s how I got in the situation that I’m in now. Trusting a nigga and his word. Now all I had was that nigga. Shaking the bad thoughts out of my head, I focused on stocking the shelves until it was time to go.

“Hey Daizha. I got my mom’s car tonight if you need me to take you home.” That was this girl named Ariel that worked with me. She was okay, but I didn’t consider her a friend. I didn’t have those. The one time I tried, Gabe accused me of being a hoe with her. Turned out he was fucking her ass.

“You don’t have to do that. I can catch an Uber,” I mumbled.

“The offer still stands if you change your mind.” She walked off, leaving me to finish my work. Exactly forty-five minutes later, I was finishing up and clocking out. Once I got outside and took my phone out to book my Uber, I heard my name being called. Looking up, I saw it was Demetric standing beside a pretty, brown-skinned girl. I groaned inwardly because I didn’t need this shit tonight. These bitches were already in my business from him coming by earlier. To keep him from causing a scene, I walked over to where they stood.

“What?” I hissed.

“Chill wit’ allat. I came to make sure you got home. It’s almost midnight. You don’t need to be getting in the car with no strangers.”

“Nigga, you’re a stranger. The fuck?” I was confused at why he thought he made any sense right now. The girl with him started giggling.

“I like her, Meechie,” she said, causing him to glare at her. He must’ve not liked the name. His stare down with her didn’t last long because his eyes were back trained on me. I felt exposed under his stare. I was in my Walgreen’s uniform, consisting of their light blue polo shirt with the logo and black pants that had elastic at the ankles. We could wear sneakers to work and because I never went anywhere, I made sure I had nice sneakers. Today I had on some Retro four Travis Scott’s. My locs were piled on the top of my head in a messy bun, and my only accessories were my gold hoops, nose ring, and watch.

“Watch out, Jay,” he said, breaking our stare down. “I’m no stranger, Dai. I just want to make sure you get home safe. My sister is going to take you, so you won’t have no problems wit’ yo’ nigga and shit.” I looked back and forth between the two and glanced down at my phone. It was sending me an alert from Uber saying my driver canceled. This shit couldn’t be happening right now.

“Ugh,” I groaned.

“Wassup?” he asked.

“My Uber canceled on me. They always do that, making me wait longer than I intend to.”

“You don’t have to wait, girl. I’ll take you. My brother got me out here, so he has to care a sliver. C’mon. I don’t bite.” His sister smiled brightly. They looked nothing alike, but neither did me and my brother. I hate I had to leave him, but he wouldn’t have understood. Even though he was only four years younger than me at twelve, I didn’t want to put that on him when he had his whole life ahead of him. Looking between the two of them, I took a deep breath and reluctantly agreed. It’s not like I really had a choice at this point.

“Jay, I’ll follow y’all to make sure y’all good.” I looked over at him and his face was emotionless as he got in his car and waited for his sister to pull off.

“So, how did you meet my brother?” she asked, pulling out of the parking lot and into traffic.

“At my job,” I mumbled. I didn’t know what she expected from me. I appreciated the ride, but she can keep her conversation. Glancing out the side mirror, I saw Demetric’s car following close behind.

“I was just making sure he wasn’t lying. But listen. I know you probably think my brother is some kind of creep, but he’s really not. He just has a soft spot for certain situations, no matter how hard he seems to be. I’m not sure what’s going on with you, but if he’s offering to help, let him.” I heard what she was saying, but it was hard to believe that complete strangers could give a fuck about me when my own mother didn’t.

“As a matter of fact, put my number in your phone. If you don’t want to talk to him, you can always call me.” Hesitantly, I gave her my phone so she could program her number and save mine. Moments later, we were pulling up in my driveway and thankfully, Gabe’s car wasn’t here.

“Thank you…” at that moment I remembered I didn’t know her name.

“Jaylen,” she responded.

“Thank you, Jaylen.” I got out of the car and trekked to the front door. Once I reached the door, I glanced over my shoulder and saw Demetric parked a few houses down. He didn’t leave until he knew I was inside of the house and secure.

Maybe he did just want to help?

It wasn’t rare that I had the house to myself because Gabe was here, and I always took full advantage of it. Ambling upstairs, I sat my phone and keys on the dresser before hanging my crossbody over the hook behind the closet door. A long bubble bath sounded like heaven right about now, and I was going to take full advantage of it. I went inside the bathroom and turned the water on in the tub to the hottest temperature I could stand. I poured some of my Bath & Body Works stress relief bubble bath into the water and lit the matching candle. I worked both jobs today and my body direly needed this. Stripping out of my clothes and grabbing my phone, I went back inside the bathroom. Pressing play on my nineties R&B playlist, I sank inside the tub as I sang along with Janet Jackson, explaining why she gets so lonely.

Sittin’ here with my tearsAll alone with my fearsI’m wonderin’ if I have to do without youBut there’s no reason why I fell asleep late last nightCryin’ like a newborn childHoldin’ myself close, pretendin’ my arms are yoursI want no one but you

We may have been singing the same lyrics, but the meanings behind them were far from the same. She’s in her feelings about her lover, while I’m longing for the love of my mother. She showed me that day that she really didn’t love me, so this lonely feeling that I had would be a permanent one. Once I was done washing, I let the water out and stood up and took a shower to wash the residue off. After drying off and brushing my teeth. I went downstairs to find me something to eat. I hadn’t eaten in hours and my stomach was cramping as a result of it. Settling on the baked chicken that I fixed the night before, I warmed it up and sat at the island and ate it in solitude. I preferred it this way because Gabe only made my mood sour when he was around. I wish he would get hit by a bus, but then I really wouldn’t have anybody. In between bites, my phone dinged, alerting me I had a text. My heart rate sped up thinking it was Gabe making sure I got home safely, but that was short-lived when I opened the app.

Demetric: Just making sure you good.

Me: I am

I didn’t see the need to say more than that.

Demetric: Bet

I placed the phone back on the counter and went to the sink to wash the dishes that I used. It was going on two in the morning, and I was past tired. Hopefully, I got a good night’s sleep tonight and not be disturbed by the nightmares.

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