Page 22 of Designation: Null

Robert puts his cheek on Logan’s head and Logan lets his head lower to Robert’s coat, turning his face into the hard line of his jaw, the soft scratchiness of his evening beard. He’s never felt so safe. Not even before his designation. His father and mother were too distant and unloving. He and Daniel tried to protect each other but they were both afraid, trying to survive their family.

If Daniel had found a Dominant who could make him feel like this, would things have been different? His throat is filled with grief.

Robert relaxes in slow degrees as they stand there in the cold, crisp night. Logan can feel the tension oozing out of Robert, and it takes Logan’s tension too, a bizarre symbiotic echo that leaves him heavy and calm.

Robert makes a sound low in his throat and gives Logan a final squeeze before pulling back.

“Thank you. I could literally stand here for the night. You could sell hugs, you know.”

“Are you calling me a prostitute?” he murmurs, feeling far away. The compliment is something to hoard and think about later.

“Only in a good way,” Robert says, laughing. His laugh. God, his laugh is everything, Logan thinks, dumbstruck by him.

They get on the subway and sit next to each other, but neither of them speak for several stops. Robert’s got one stop left before he turns to Logan, very serious. “I just wanted to make sure… you hugged me because you wanted to, right? Not because I wanted it or made you feel like you should?”

“What? No, that was totally voluntary. God. You’re ridiculous,” Logan says, turning away because he doesn’t know how to handle the checking in and carefulness. The worry.

For him!

Robert’s head tilts. Logan can see the gesture out of the corner of his eye as he stares straight ahead and then down to the grimy floor.

“What does that mean?” Robert asks.

“Not bad or anything, you just worry about the littlest things, and it’s… you’re fine. I trust you. I don’t—” He takes a moment to think through what he wants to say because he wants to be sure. He forces himself to meet Robert’s gaze, but then he has to break it. “You wouldn’t ever hurt anyone, Robert. You’re good. Weirdly good.”

“I don’t think I’mweirdly goodjust because I want to make sure I’m not overstepping your boundaries.”

“You know what I mean,” Logan says. His stomach twists like he’s about to be caught in a lie or something. There is no lie. Nothing to be worried about.

“No, I don’t think I do.”

Logan can’t bring himself to speak. They get to the next stop. Robert looks at the door and then waits.

“Your stop,” Logan informs him.

“I’m happy to miss it,” Robert says. “I’d prefer to have this conversation. If you’re willing to have it.”

“I don’t know what the conversation is,” Logan responds, then forces himself to laugh, a rough chuckle, almost scared by how confused he suddenly is. The doors close. Did he fuck up? He doesn’t know what to do now. Has he let Robert down? What was the question?

“Sweetheart, don’t worry about it. I wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable. I just wanted you to know that you can talk to me. I’ll always be happy to listen if that’s something you’re interested in.”

Logan nods, his throat and chest throbbing with emotion.

“Can you look at me?”

It’s not that he doesn’t want to. Well, no, he doesn’t want to. All Logan wants is to be safe and protected. He presses closer, shoulder against Robert’s, and Robert’s body shifts, opening up so Logan can rest against his side more comfortably.

Logan sighs in relief. What does Robert want from him? How can he make the Dominant happy? What was he supposed to say? Wasn’t there a question? He’d answer it if he knew what it was.

“I don’t ever want you to be afraid of me, Logan. Please, please tell me if I ever overstep. I really like touching and caretaking, that’s part of my designation, but it can be oppressive.”

Logan frowns, wondering who might possibly have ever said Robert was oppressive. He’s perfect. Logan forces himself away from Robert because he doesn’t know what to do next, but everything he wants is scary and sexual and that’s not who they are.

Well, it certainly isn’t who Logan is.

“Thank you for going with me tonight,” Robert says, facing forward now, the moment gone, very far away even though he’s actually in the same position he was a minute ago.

“You got it.” Logan can’t say “You’re welcome” or “Thank you for inviting me.” He’ll crumble if he gives in that much.

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