Page 18 of Designation: Null

“Hank, why don’t you get a move on?” someone says, and of course it’s Robert. Once again saving him.

How long has Logan been in the shower? How much noise did he make? Does Robert know it’s him?

Hank grumbles, saying there’s a submissive in the stall who sounds like they’re in need of a little hard use.

Robert gets Hank out of there with low, rough words that Logan can’t hear over the sound of rushing water.

Time passes. Finally, Logan turns the shower off. It’s so quiet that everyone must be gone. He knows he’s alone and he can come out, but he’s scared.

If only he had Robert.

Eventually, he gets out, gets dressed in the empty locker room, and decides everything might be okay. The gym is empty. He rolls his shoulders, stands tall, and is ready to be himself again.

He isn’t submissive. He’s null.

He strides out of the gym. There, in the hallway, near the elevators, Hank is having a conversation with someone Logan doesn’t know. Hank meets his gaze.

He knows.

6

Logan makes it back to his quarters. He gets himself dinner and dumps out his button jar, hoping that arranging the three hundred buttons in terms of lightest to darkest will be the sort of mindless, monotonous task that will appeal to the agitated submissive part of himself and help him calm down.

Hank knows that he isn’t as null as he likes to pretend he is. That sometimes he struggles and has to behave like a slut just to function.

It’s a disaster and he has no idea how he’ll fix things because he’s so unsettled, he can’t fucking think straight.

Pain will help him get back into the right range. He needs to get his shit together.

It’s the only chance he’ll have when the confrontation with Hank inevitably comes. Because it will. The moment he dares to show his face, Hank will try him. That’s what Dominants do when submissives get above themselves. They give them a reminder of who is superior. The natural order of things. And it will be public. Dominants want everyone to know.

What would that mean? If Hank challenged him, tried to make him submit in front of people and he did, his life would be over. Rape would be the least of it. With his luck, his body would fucking enjoy it.

No, the real problem is that his father would find out and Logan would be yanked off base so fast he wouldn’t even have time to say goodbye to Robert.

Which might be for the best, since Robert is the reason Logan is struggling so much. The best, safest Dominant he’s ever met.

Ridiculous.

It turns out all Logan needed to fall apart is a Dominant who won’t pressure him for sex. Who makes Logan feel safe and interesting, as if he’s actually a person, and now Logan is desperate for the man. He didn’t even know a Dominant like Robert existed.

He needs to stay away from Robert.

It isn’t fucking fair.

His hands clench, and he tries very hard to stay still and not lash out when the urge to destroy everything, including himself, is a loud throbbing roar inside him.

He hates Hank. Hates that he has to distance himself from Robert and that everything in his life will always be in jeopardy or stolen from him by Dominant assholes. That this curse of a designation isn’t something he’ll ever have control over.

He misses his brother.

Logan swipes the buttons off the table in a burst of rage. Now there’s a mess all over his living room and he’s going to have to clean it up. He needs to cry but that’s trapped inside his lungs. He needs tohurt.That’s the relief Logan deserves. Pain. Misery.

It serves him right.

He did this to himself. If he’d told his father no, if he’d been a man—

His heart starts to beat faster, the taste of bile flooding his mouth as he takes down the rice and pours it onto the wooden floor, scattering it everywhere. He hates this. It isn’t fair.

---