Page 58 of Designation: Null

“It’s impossible,” Logan says. “It’s you. I won’t ever be null if I’m around you. I don’t think I can have you for a few weeks, give in to you and my desires that much, and then go back to who I was. Maybe it works that way for other people, but it won’t for me.”

Robert doesn’t bother to argue the point. Logan knows himself and his body better than Robert does. He does pull Logan closer and hold on to him tightly for several perfect seconds.

“Alright. I have to stop now,” Robert says, as if it’s a struggle.

Logan’s next breath is uneven. “I want you. I… this life only feels bearable when I’m with you. The rest of it is anger and sadness and I just—maybe I don’t care if it can be undone. What would I be trying to go back to? Null was not a good place to be, Robert. I don’t think I can keep that going for the long haul,” he confesses. But he hates the idea of Robert letting him go, of some of Robert’s control over him being given over to some other Dominant, even if he does have their best interests at heart.

“Sweetheart, this is all the worst-case scenario, and it needs to be gone through. Before you agree to anything, we have to play it all out. Once you’re under my control, I won’t be so reasonable and you won’t be able to think so clearly.”

What a strange idea. He knows it’s true. He’s seen it in action and it’s always terrified him. With Robert, it doesn’t seem scary, but this is important to Robert and his own life.

“If you decided you didn’t want to be my submissive, I would still be happy to be your Dominant of Record. You wouldn’t have to worry about your family. And if or when you found the right Dominant, I would… I would allow the transfer. If we do not suit each other, then I could get you situated elsewhere. Another base, life as a civilian, anything you need if you decide not to be my submissive.”

“You’d let me go,” Logan asks, and it’s a challenge. He’s furious.

“If that was what was best for you? If I made you unhappy? Of course I would.”

Logan shoves at him.

Robert grabs him, forcing him still. “Don’t tempt me, Logan. You’re asking for me to put you in your place and I want to. Don’t think I don’t want to,” he growls, and Logan is flush against Robert’s body, able to feel his cock pressed against his own. He’s hard. It’s a revelation. Shocking. Real.

Robert is aroused because of Logan.

“Oh my god, we’re never gonna get out of here,” Jim says.

Robert lets him go. “You should pack.”

“Can we do the paperwork first? I want it done. I know it’s silly, but I keep thinking what if he knows, what if he stops me—”

“Let’s go do the paperwork and we’ll come back,” Robert says.

They leave and all go to the legal department and fill out the paperwork for Robert to become his Dominant of Record. It’s three miles off base and Jim drives. No one speaks the whole way there. Robert sits with Logan in the back, holding his hand the entire time.

Surely it can’t be this easy—just fill out a form and he’s suddenly free, doesn’t have to be afraid of his father anymore. Doesn’t have to worry that he’ll wind up like Daniel. But even if he does get taken away from Robert, even if he only has a few days or a week, maybe it’s worth it? Because the idea of being without Robert is terrifying.

“I belong to you,” Logan says, once the forms are signed and they’re back in the car. It’s a strange thought. He doesn’t believe it.

Robert is too quiet, thinking too hard, and it’s making Logan nervous. “It’s done, Logan. You’re safe now.”

“I hope so,” he says, and spends the rest of the ride looking out the window. When he and Daniel first signed up, they were so optimistic for the future. They were going to change the world; they were going to become Dominants and make their father proud. They’d be transformed for the better.

If either of them were afraid of losing themselves, they didn’t say it aloud. As the date of their transformation got closer, Logan’s worry increased. What if it went wrong? What if they were different and became different people?

He asked Daniel, right before they went into surgery. “It’s fine, Logan. We won’t know the difference. We’ll wake up and it will feel normal, just like now feels normal,” he said, shrugging. Daniel was always easygoing. Always responsible and capable and quiet.

He’d been certain Daniel would be a Dominant.

“What if you’re submissive?” he’d asked, that last night before their lives would change forever.

“I don’t know. What if I am?”

“Father won’t be happy.”

“I guess he won’t.” Which was actually a deeply frustrating nonanswer. Then Daniel said, “I’ve done everything he’s wanted me to do for my entire life and what has it gotten me? I give in and the noose gets tighter, I fight and the noose gets tighter. I will do this and then there is nothing else I can give him. Who knows? Maybe he’ll finally be happy with me.”

“Maybe,” Logan agreed, wiping his eyes against the rough sheet. His father had always disliked Daniel and it never made any sense. They were twins. How could he dislike one of them?

But their older brother Aaron was the favorite, destined to inherit the family fortune and make Father proud. Logan was occasionally acceptable, but Daniel was always in disfavor.

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