Page 50 of Designation: Null

“I’m not yours, Robert.” And he won’t ever get to be.

Logan thinks about standing, about opening the door and begging Robert to forgive him. He’s so tired. How can he get off the floor? He pulls himself out of the doorway, closes the bedroom door and lies down, cheek on the cool wood. He’ll close his eyes for a moment and when he wakes up, Robert will be long gone.

15

Robert leaves the office as soon as he can. He’s exhausted and miserable as he trudges up the stairs to Logan’s apartment. The reanimation was a disaster. Two Dominants and a submissive that they discovered in a base in New Zealand, but the power had been cut for too long and their stasis pods were only working at thirty percent. In theory, life can be sustained at twenty-seven percent for a period of six weeks. These pods were not manufactured properly, and all of the newly reanimated soldiers had extensive brain damage and had to be eliminated.

It’s awful. And it happens all too frequently. The military doesn’t treat their soldiers like people but test subjects—animals that can be disposed of if the tests don’t work or they’re no longer useful. And after a day like today, all he really wants is to go home to his submissive and be glad they have each other. He wants someone to talk to, someone to hold on to and someone who will hold on to him in return. To make the awfulness bearable.

Logan is now the person he thinks of. Though he doesn’t meet the criteria.

A self-hating, self-denying submissive isn’t what Robert wants or needs. But god, the boy is beautiful. He’s so lovely when he gives in and allows his submissive self to rise to the surface. Yet Logan hates himself and his desires so much that Robert isn’t sure he can ever get through to him. As much as he enjoys coaxing Logan and making him feel safe, ultimately, he wants a submissive who can embrace their designation with joy. What if Logan can’t ever do that?

God knows what state Logan will be in.

Their interaction in Robert’s office proves how much Logan is suppressing his designation. And it’s hurting him. It won’t last. It can’t. His submission was painfully close to the surface and Logan went down eagerly for Robert.

If Robert hadn’t been interrupted by Jim’s arrival, he probably would have come on Logan’s chest. Logan had earned his come. Earned the reward. And he’d have made Logan rub it into his skin, given him a taste, introduced Dominant hormones to Logan and taken him down a path Logan hadn’t ever wanted to go down.

Maybe it was a good thing they were interrupted. If Logan’s submission is getting out of hand and is here to stay, then Logan needs to be given a choice on how he copes. He doesn’t need Robert influencing him and taking away the decision from him. If he’d come on Logan, had his come rubbed into his flesh and praised him, then Logan would have chosen Robert because he wouldn’t be able to resist Robert’s influence. It wouldn’t be an actual choice but compulsion. Because Robert is just so dominant that Logan wouldn’t have been able to resist.

And that isn’t what Logan deserves. Robert has never wanted to be that kind of Dominant. So he needs to get himself together, stop obsessing over how awful his day was, and do right by Logan.

He takes a deep breath and then another.

This is going to be awful.

And he has no idea what state Logan will be in when he sees him. He should be prepared for anything. For a needy submissive eager to finish what they started (and if that’s the case he needs to be strong enough to resist), for an angry null who wants to punch him (and if that’s the case he needs to keep his hands at his side and take the punch), or for some mix of the two.

Odds are that Logan isn’t still feeling like a boy. And even though that might be difficult to see, he needs to be prepared for it.

What Robert would like to happen is impossible.

His fantasy is that he shows up at Logan’s apartment and Logan offers himself to Robert, says he’s realized he’s submissive and that even though he isn’t sure he’s happy about it, he knows being Robert’s submissive is worth it. Together they’ll be okay. He trusts Robert to take care of him. Together they will make it work.

And then there’d be a hug. Kissing. Robert would accept Logan’s submission and promise to take care of him. Cherish him. They’d eat and cuddle, discuss the future. He’d like to finger Logan, get him to come, make Logan feel so good and loved that Logan would beg to take Robert’s cock.

Robert knows this fantasy isn’t going to happen but… maybe there’s a one percent chance? Maybe?

He trudges up the stairs to Logan’s quarters.

Robert’s sense of smell is heightened because of his modifications. He smells blood before he knocks and it’s mixed with the scent of bitter misery. It sticks in the back of his throat and he’s tempted to just bust the door down. He knows Logan is in there.

He knocks and doesn’t get an answer. When Logan finally responds, he sounds… wrong. Off. He won’t even open the door, and that can’t be good. Every molecule in Robert’s body is telling him to get in there and fix the fucking problem.

Savehissubmissive.

Logan tells him to leave, but he can’t. He’s never been so sure of anything in his life. He has to get in there and figure out what the hell is going on.

He’s just about to kick the door down when he checks to make sure it’s locked. The door opens under his hand.

Is this kid fucking serious?

Robert steps inside and goes straight to the bedroom. The door is closed and he opens it. Logan is on the ground, essentially unconscious, and there is blood everywhere.

“Logan, can you hear me?” He checks his wrists but they’re fine, and he can see most of it is from wounds on Logan’s back. And it isn’t as much blood as he thought, not enough that Logan might die, but enough to make Robert scared for him. The wounds are already beginning to scab over. There are pinpricks of blood all over his soft cock and his legs and his chest. It’s on his neck and smeared across his face. His hair is matted with sweat and blood from where he ran his fingers through it again and again.

There are vampire gloves, discarded in the bathroom next to a flogger. But the most surprising discovery is that there’s no sign of release or come. With a party like this, surely there’d be come?

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