Page 41 of Designation: Null

He’s blushing. And he’s lying. Robert must know he’s lying. If Robert was his Dominant, would he order Logan to touch himself?

“Do you want to check for me?” Robert asks.

“I… for you?”

Robert frowns. He closes his eyes and then squeezes the bridge of his nose between two fingers before blowing out a breath.

“Sorry.For you. Your own knowledge. You wouldn’t be checking for me,” he clarifies, voice gruff.

“Where would I do that?”Tell me what to do, he thinks, but he can’t say that.

“Right where you are. Or in the bathroom. But I don’t think you should do it in your quarters.”

“No,” he says, before the last word is out. “I don’t want to do it alone.” And then he has to bite his own tongue so he doesn’t say the truth:I’ve missed you. I need to be near you. I need your dominance keeping me safe and warm.

It isn’t anything he’s used to thinking or wanting. It’s been awful staying away from Robert. He hadn’t realized how difficult it had been, but now that he’s here, the last two weeks stand out as being pain-filled and lonely. He wasn’t in physical pain but suffered an emotional hurt that was worse. What if the pain he’s in now is because the emotional turned physical?

“Are you sleeping? You look tired,” Robert murmurs, so sympathetic that Logan breaks out into goose bumps.

“Some.” He takes a breath in and then exhales shakily. “I don’t want to be submissive.”

“I know.”

“What do I do? I come here and it’s like my whole life is falling apart and I don’t even know if I care.”

Robert sighs. “Go check your chest, Logan. Go into the bathroom and do it on your own. I have no interest in being responsible for your life falling apart.”

Logan moves toward the bathroom and goes inside, closes the door, and stands there dumbly. But wasn’t this the only choice? He can’t touch his chest while Robert watches. They ache, they hurt, and he won’t be able to keep the misery off of his face. And if Robert sees how needy he is, then won’t he offer to help?

And Logan will say yes. And then he’ll be even further away from his null designation. If he is null, then this is how he should behave.

“Fuck,” he whispers and touches his chest with the tips of his fingers. It hurts. In fact, it’s fucking awful. He runs water in the sink and splashes it on his face, gets himself presentable and then goes back out.

Robert looks away from his computer.

He’s waiting.

“It’s fine,” Logan lies and sits back down on the couch.

“That’s something to keep an eye on. It’s not the first symptom but is typical for submissives who are very imbalanced.”

“I’m not submissive. They don’t hurt.”

Robert doesn’t answer.

Logan sinks back into the couch and rests. He’s so damned tired. It’s all catching up with him, and if he doesn’t get up and do something, he might fall asleep. He needs to say something. “We could… we could get lunch?” He forces his eyes open, blinking a few times to focus on Robert’s blurry figure.

Robert gets out of his chair and gets his jacket off the coat stand. He brings it over to Logan, looming over him and offering it. “You’re exhausted.”

“I can’t.”

The jacket drops into his hands and he presses it against his body, buries his face in the collar, and breathes in Robert’s soothing scent.

“Thank—” He cannot utter the words.

“You don’t need to thank me if it’s difficult.”

“If I start then I won’t stop,” Logan murmurs.

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