Page 9 of A Secret Escape

She envied Milly, but she knew her friend would never believe her, so she didn’t say it.

People, even Milly she suspected, forgot that she was a real person. They saw her on the red carpet wearing a custom-made dress with her hair and makeup flawless, and they thought that was her life. But that part was no more real than the roles she played. Real was when she lay on the carpet in her bedroom having a panic attack. Real was having her heart broken with the whole world watching.

They thought her life was perfect, or maybe they just needed to believe that because the alternative was to accept that no one’s life was really perfect, and that was too depressing to contemplate.

She smiled at Milly. “I think it’s beautiful. Thank you for picking me up and for letting me stay with you.” For a moment she thought that perhaps Milly hadn’t heard her, but then her friend gave a brief nod as if acknowledging what they both knew: that it had been more than generous in the circumstances.

“Wait till you see the room where you’ll be sleeping before you thank me,” Milly said. “It’s small. A study with a sofa bed, but I’ve done my best to make it comfortable for you. You didn’t give me enough notice to do more than that.” Milly headed to the kitchen area and poured two glasses of water.“Do you want something to eat?”

“No, thank you. I’m not hungry.” She studied Milly closely. On the surface she hadn’t changed at all: same shoulder-length dark hair, same light dusting of freckles on her nose and the same light blue eyes. But she seemed more wary than usual. Reserved. “Where’s Zoe?”

“I arranged for her to sleep over with my mother.”

Nicole felt a wave of shame. She adored Milly’s mother, and the idea that she was reading all the negative press and probably thinking bad things about her made her feel slightly ill. Milly’s mother was everything her own was not. She offered praise and encouragement and a listening ear without judgment. She built you up instead of knocking you down. When Nicole had won her first award, Milly’s mother had sent flowers and a handwritten note.You have always been a star to us, but now the whole world knows.

“What did Connie say when you told her I was coming to stay?”

“She doesn’t know. You told me not to tell anyone.” Milly handed her a glass of water, and Nicole felt the emotion she’d been holding back almost overwhelm her.

Milly hadn’t told anyone. Not even her mother. Who else in her life was that thoughtful and discreet? No one.

“You’re an amazing friend, Milly.”

Milly didn’t respond to that. “This place isn’t visible from anywhere. You should be safe enough, providing you don’t leave the boathouse.”

“That won’t be an issue.” Leave the boathouse? She felt like crawling under the bedcovers and staying there for the rest of her life. “Were you sad to move out of the cottage?”

“It was difficult at the time but hard to separate my feelings about that from everything else. A lot of things have changed.”

Including their relationship.

Nicole felt a twinge of sadness and nostalgia for the days when friendship had seemed simple.

She knew she should be asking about Richard and about how Milly was coping, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. She wasn’t brave enough to handle Milly’s pain.

She couldn’t deal with it. She couldn’t deal with anything right now.

She felt injured and tired. She’d considered checking herself in to one of those exclusive health retreats, but then her presence would have been noted, because even when a place claimed to protect the confidentiality of their guests, people had a way of finding out, and then she would have been dealing with more headlines.

“I’ll show you where you’ll be sleeping.” Milly walked through a door that led from the living room to the rear of the boathouse. Stairs curved upward, but Milly opened a door on the ground floor. “I’ve made up the bed.”

An enormous ginger cat sprang off the chair, making them both jump.

“How did you get in here?” Milly scooped up the cat gently and stroked his soft fur.

“You have a cat? Since when?” Nicole reached out her hand, but the cat wriggled out of Milly’s arms and stalked out of the room, affronted to have his rest disturbed.

Great. Even the cat was rejecting her.

“Since Richard left. He was a rescue. Zoe begged me to give him a home, and I couldn’t say no to her. Fortunately, Tiger loves Zoe. He tolerates the rest of us. Don’t expect affection.”

Nicole had reached the point where she didn’t expect anything from anyone, least of all affection.

She felt a pang of loneliness.

“I didn’t know what you’d be bringing with you,” Milly said, “so if there’s anything you need, let me know.”

What she needed was a hug, but she was afraid to ask. There had been a time when Milly would have held her, and she would have held Milly, and they would have taken comfort from the fact that no matter what happened they had each other, but that wasn’t the case anymore. And it was her fault.

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