Page 59 of A Secret Escape

Nicole handed Zoe a knife and fork. “What do you think would have happened if she’d got the part and you hadn’t?”

“I don’t know.” Zoe poked her breakfast without enthusiasm. “I would have been happy for her, I hope. Disappointed too, obviously. But I wouldn’t have let it get in the way of our friendship. No way.”

She sounded so sure. There had been a time when Nicole might have said the same thing and believed it, but she knew better now.

“In every friendship there comes a point where you’re tested. You go in different directions. Things change. That can shake the firmest of relationships.” She could feel Milly looking at her, but she kept her attention on Zoe.

Zoe shrugged and ate a mouthful of breakfast, not even bothering to take the plate to the table. “You and Mum have gone in different directions, and you’re just fine.”

Nicole’s mouth was dry. “We’ve had our moments.”

“But my mum is still the first person you call when you’re in trouble, so whatever moments you’ve had, you’ve figured them out. And I have to do the same with Cally, but that’s hard when she’s not speaking to me. That’s why I’ve been thinking I might just give the whole thing up. Maybe then things will go back to how they were.”

“But they won’t, will they? Because you will have given up something you really wanted because she couldn’t handle her own emotions. Because she couldn’t be pleased that something good was happening to you. And at first you’ll be relieved that things seem fine again, but a tiny part of you will always remember that you gave it up for her, and that resentment will niggle like a splinter. A friend who expects you to give up what you love isn’t that good a friend.”

Zoe put her knife and fork down, her food only half-finished. “I guess.”

“Have you told her how you feel? Have you been honest?” Nicole felt like a fraud and a hypocrite saying the words because she hadn’t talked honestly to Milly, had she? The secret she was carrying sat inside her, a hard, calcified lump of deception. And there was a very good reason why she hadn’t followed her own advice and talked honestly to Milly. She was terrified their friendship might not survive it.

Why had she started this conversation? She wasn’t in a position to advise anyone on friendship.

“Maybe I should do that. If I can even get her to listen to me.” Zoe scraped away the last of her food and put her plate into the dishwasher. “But I still think I might rethink the whole acting thing.”

“Why don’t you give yourself time before deciding that?”

Zoe poured herself a glass of water, and Nicole helped herself to another couple of berries.

“I find it helps to keep my eye on the work itself. When you’re home tonight, do you want to rehearse with me?”

Zoe was wide-eyed, her cheeks suddenly flushed. “I don’t know. It’s a bit nerve-wracking. You’re Amara—I mean, I know you’re not really Amara, but you’re so brilliant I think I’d feel self-conscious.It would be like stripping naked in front of a supermodel, you know?”

Nicole laughed. “Please don’t strip naked. And I’m just an actor, like you.”

“Um—nothing at all like me,” Zoe muttered, but she looked happier. “I don’t suppose—no, of course you wouldn’t.”

“Wouldn’t what?”

“Would you come to my drama group? Watch us? Maybe give us some tips?”

Nicole hesitated, and it was Milly who intervened.

“You know she can’t do that, Zoe. Nicole has to keep a low profile, and if she turns up at your drama group everyone will know she’s staying here.”

Zoe looked embarrassed. “Yeah, I get that. Stupid idea. Sorry for asking.”

“Don’t be sorry.” For a wild moment Nicole almost said that yes, of course she’d do it, but she couldn’t bring herself to say those words. She couldn’t face subjecting herself to public scrutiny and judgment again. She was loving this quiet life more than she could possibly have imagined.

Milly poured herself a coffee. “Thespian or not, Zoe, you need to hurry up or we’ll be late for school.”

“Maybe I’ll join you for your run on the weekend,” Zoe said. “Oh wait, I can’t. It’s my weekend to go to Dad’s.”

Nicole glanced at her friend. She knew how difficult she found those weekends, but nothing showed in Milly’s face as she reached into the fridge and pulled out more berries.

“You can join us the weekend after. If you can keep up.”

Nicole felt admiration and the same pang of envy she often felt when she watched Milly with Zoe. In her opinion, they had the perfect mother–daughter relationship.

Zoe vanished to get ready for school, and Milly handed Nicole a bowl of berries.

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