Page 34 of A Secret Escape

“I understand. Joel told me what happened. It’s my fault for not closing the door properly when I left. I don’t always bother locking it, but I probably should.” And with Nicole Raven hiding out in the boathouse, she definitely should.

And she saw now that underneath the wig and the glasses, Nicole looked ill.

“If you’re worried about him telling people you’re here, then don’t. I’ve known Joel a long time. He won’t mention it. But maybe we should talk about increasing security, just in case.”

“No need. I won’t be here.” Nicole headed back into the boathouse toward Milly’s study that she’d used as a bedroom.

Confused, Milly followed her and saw Nicole push the last of her things into her small suitcase.

“You’re leaving?”

“I have to. Coming here was a mistake. I’ve made things difficult for you and also for me, and it isn’t going to work.” She zipped the case. “I have a cab picking me up in thirty minutes. I used the name Silvia Coates by the way, in case he goes to Reception.”

“Wait. Slow down.” Milly’s head was spinning. She hadn’t wanted Nicole to come, had she? So why was she feeling so upset at the thought of her leaving? “Are you leaving because Joel knows you’re here? He—”

“It’s not just that, although I don’t trust people as easily as you do so I’m not going to pretend it doesn’t play a part. I’m leaving because being here isn’t helping. I was running away from my life, and I ran to the only person I’ve ever been able to trust. You. My best friend. My only real friend. It was a reflex action. When I’m in trouble I reach out to you.” Her voice cracked, and she cleared her throat. “But things are awkward. And it’s my fault. When you were in trouble, I wasn’t there for you. I blew the most precious thing in my life. And I’m sorry for that. Sorrier than you’ll ever know. If I could turn the clock back I’d do everything differently, but that only ever happens in movies. So we’ll both just move on, and I don’t expect you to forgive me or believe me when I say that if you ever need me in the future, then reach out and I’ll be there for you. Whenever it is, whatever you need, I’ll be there.”

Milly wasn’t sure she did believe her because once a person had let you down once they could let you down again, couldn’t they? But she sounded sincere, and underneath the blond wig and the purple glasses Milly saw vulnerability and a sheen of tears.

She could see that Nicole was suffering. And just like that all the hurt and defensiveness that had been making her boil inside vanished. She’d been determined to keep her distance, but now she realized that however strained things were, however difficult, the bond between them was still there and probably always would be.

“I don’t want you to leave.”

“I have to, and not just because things are difficult between us. I’m a mess, Milly. My life is a mess. You have no idea.” Nicole’s voice was thickened with emotion.“I thought by coming here I’d have space to figure things out, but it’s more complicated than that. I had a panic attack when Joel walked into the kitchen. Did he tell you that?”

“Of course you did. There was a strange man in the house. Anyone would have—” She stopped, seeing Nicole’s expression change. “You mean you had a real panic attack? Not a figure of speech? No, he didn’t tell me that.”

How long had Nicole been having panic attacks, and why didn’t she know about it?

And in what way was Nicole’s life a mess? Was this just about her affair with Justin, or was there something else?

She felt a mix of frustration and sadness as she compared how their relationship used to be with how it was now. A few years ago she wouldn’t have been asking herself these questions because she would have already known all the answers.

Nicole folded the T-shirt Milly had lent her. “I asked him not to, so I suppose it’s a point in his favor that he respected that. And to be fair, the poor man handled it well, particularly given that he couldn’t possibly understand. And I overreacted, of course, because of everything that has happened.”

“What has happened? You haven’t actually told me any of it. We haven’t talked.”

“You were busy,” Nicole muttered, and Milly squirmed a little inside.

She had been busy. She was always busy, but that wasn’t it, was it? Not really.

Nicole had tried to talk to her several times. Last night when they’d walked into the boathouse. This morning when Milly was rushing off to work.

Milly had brushed her off not because she was busy but because she was hurt. Also the conversation with Nicole would have been uncomfortable, and she avoided uncomfortable conversations.

If she was a different type of person, a better person, she would have sat down and talked right away.She would have told Nicole how upset she was, and they would have discussed it in a mature fashion, but instead Milly had held everything inside and nurtured the hurt.

“How long have you been having panic attacks?”

“It really doesn’t—”

“How long?”

“Just over a year. Ever since that man broke into my house.”

Milly went cold. “Someone broke into your house? Oh, Nic—”

“Hazard of being famous.” Nicole gave a careless lift of her shoulders. “They do tours past movie stars’ homes, did you know that?Hey, you know that actor you’re fixated on? That’s where she sleeps every night.I try not to think about it.”

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