Page 32 of The Road to Hell

I pressed my knee into the middle of my pack, punishing it for existing. Maybe if I ignored her, she’d take the hint.

“All right,” Eliza mused, stretching the word out. “Let’s think this through, shall we? Is it the pack? Hmm.” She tapped her chin as though trying to solve an actual mystery. “While I think that’s the current source of your annoyance, it’s not the only one. Is it the unrelenting misery of Hell?” She shot me a teasing grin. “Nah, you grew up here, and sometimes I think you revel in chaos. So that leaves?—”

I shot her a look. “Eliza.”

She grinned. “Yes, Lily?”

I yanked at the strap again. “Icouldthrow you off a cliff, you know. There’s plenty of them around.”

She waved a dismissive hand. “You love me too much to murder me. But also, your threats won’t distract me from the question at hand.”

I snapped the buckle shut with unnecessary force and sat back on my haunches, dragging a hand down my face. “You’re exhausting.”

“Rathiel and I could say the same about you.”

That jerked my head up. Eliza’s smile had vanished, and she watched me with a serious expression. “I heard your whole argument,” she said, like I didn’t already know. “That’s what’s bothering you right now. And I’m sorry to say, but I agree with Rathiel.”

“Traitor,” I grumbled.

“Look, I get it,” she said. “You’re stubborn. And this feud with your father is personal. I really do understand that. But this goes so far beyond your feud. Did you forget that I came to help you? That Rathiel followed you here? We did so because we understand how important this battle is. We also came because we both love you—some of us in a more intimate way than others,” she said with a wink. “But neither of us have any desire to watch you destroy yourself. And if you go after your father alone, that’s exactly what you’ll be doing.”

I groaned. “You don’t understand?—”

“No, Idounderstand,” she said kindly. “You have daddy issues, and I say that in the most loving way possible. If my father were Lucifer, I’d be a little fucked up too.”

“A little?” I said with a bitter laugh.

“Okay, a lot. I don’t know what your life was like before Earth?—”

“It was hell,” I cut in. “And not in the dramatic, angsty-teen kind of way. I mean literal, soul-crushing torment, courtesy of the actual Devil. Whatever nightmare you can imagine? He made it worse. Whatever pain you’ve felt? Multiply it by a thousand, and you still wouldn’t be close.”

Eliza didn’t speak.

“My father is a monster,” I continued, my voice quiet. Even Vol listened raptly, though he disguised his interest by playing with Purrgy’s tail. “He’s a sickness that seeps into your bones and rots you from the inside. And me? I was his pet project, his little experiment. He was determined to mold me into whatever suited him best. Everything was always to ‘better myself,’ or to ‘serve him best.’” My lips curled bitterly. “He carved obedience into my bones, broke me down piece by piece in whatever way pleased him.”

I forced out a bitter laugh, then glanced out the cave entrance to ensure Rathiel wasn’t nearby, listening. He’d been there for it all. Seen it happen firsthand. But I didn’t want him to hear this. Because my whole life, my father and his lapdogs had taught me to mask my emotions and feelings. To bury the pain and the hurt. To never show vulnerability.

“I never got to be a child,” I went on. “Children are allowed to make mistakes. I wasn’t. He punished every single one, beat every weakness out of me. My father didn’t want a daughter—he wanted a weapon he could wield. Why he even bothered having children, I don’t know. I’ve often wondered if it was because it was his ultimate chance to create something. He’sobsessedwith that. Creating. Building. Orchestrating. But everything he makes, he twists and warps into his dark image. That was what he wanted to do to me. Thankfully, he failed.”

Eliza slowly nodded.

“The only friend I ever had was a spy, and it took me far too long to learn her true purpose. I loved her, trusted her, and she stabbed me in the back.”

“Deidre,” Eliza murmured.

I nodded. “See why I don’t trust anyone?”

“But you trust me. And you trust Rathiel.”

I ground my teeth, but didn’t argue her point.

After a moment, she asked, “And speaking of Rathiel, I think it’s time you gave me the full story. And don’t tell me it’s too complicated or we don’t have time. Apparently, we have all the time in the world right now, since we can’t go anywhere until Mr. Broody comes back.”

I tipped my head back and released a long breath.

“I don’t even know where to start,” I said with a weak laugh.

“At the beginning, my dear,” she said.

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