Page 20 of Building Haven

“Sweetheart...”Caleb pulls me on top of him more, giving me a serious look that’s hard to meet.“You’re working the hardest of us all.When it was just us two, you’d relax when I relaxed, but now, you keep going with whoever is being active at that moment.You’re matching your energy with four people who all have different moments of activity in their day.You keep going like one of those hyperactive bunnies.”

I glance away, putting my head on his chest, aware that he’s probably right, but when it happens, it doesn’t feel like that.“Then why do I feel like I’m always slacking off, like I’m the only one who needs time to relax?”

He kisses my hair, his soothing rumble getting louder.“Because you only look to the people who are being active at that moment and not those who are taking a break.I know that’s who you are, but you are going to work yourself into exhaustion like this, and that won’t be fun for you or anyone else.”

Maybe.But that doesn’t solve the problem that I feel like I’m not doing anything, that I’m not pulling my weight in the pack and, at the same time, that I’m exhausted all the time.I don’t know how to solve this.How can I be exhausted when I’ve not done anything?

Caleb might be right, that this is what I do naturally, that I try to match my energy and activity with whoever is around.But if that’s true, then how am I supposed to stop?

He pushes himself up more into a seating position and pulls me into his lap, slowly massaging my shoulders.“I think that if you find your own daily schedule, if you’ve got something to do with more structure, that you’ll also be able to relax more.It’s hard to relax when you don’t feel like you’ve done anything ‘useful’ or ‘productive’ in a day.You used to have your job, and now, you’re stuck at home all the time and you have to fill your days with something yourself.That’s not easy.”

“You don’t seem to have that same problem.”I lean into his touches, my eyes sliding closed because it feels so good.

“That’s because I don’t have to fill my own time.Derrick has plenty of tasks that need doing and that I can help him out with, just like Mathew.If one of their cars is acting up, Derrick calls me in.If Derrick needs someone tall as a sparring partner for his teams, he calls me in.If Mathew needs information on construction or something car related, he calls me in.”

I shoot him a pretend-glare.“Thanks for letting me know I’m the only one who isn’t pulling their weight in our pack...Not helping with my mood, at all.”

He laughs deep, making it rumble in his chest, and wraps his arms around me, pulling me as close as possible, surrounding me with his love.“That’s not what I meant, you know that.I meant that I’ve been kept busy, so I’ve not had to worry about my time.”His tone changes, more serious.“You’ve been helping Mathew out with some tasks, right?”

I nod slightly, not sure where he’s going with this.

“I know that he probably doesn’t want me to tell you this, but he likes it when you help him, because you’re good at what you do.But he’s been trying to give you time to adjust to this new life, and for you to choose what you want to do next yourself.You’re looking at maybe doing some college classes, you’ve got lots of hobbies, you’re pregnant.There’s a lot going on in your life, so he didn’t want to rush you.”

Caleb kisses the top of my head, a soft and content rumble in his chest.“He wants you to choose what youreallywant to do.He’s insistent that you do something you’re enthusiastic about and not because that’s what he would like or because it’s something you slide into because that’s just how things work out.”

Mathew wants me to do what I want...Giving me the time to choose...I guess I didn’t see it that way before.

I thought that he wanted me to take college classes because I wasn’t able to go before, and because he thinks it’s important.But I’ve been struggling with choosing them because I have no idea what I’d be working towards.If anything is good, as long as I make the choice myself…

Something that I really want to do...

“Even if it puts me in danger?”I keep my voice quiet, knowing Caleb will have no problem hearing me, even if the words scare me.

“While I think everyone will hate it if you put yourself in danger, including me,” he kisses my neck, “we’ll all support you as well as we can.What did you have in mind?”

I take a deep breath.“I want to help Mathew out with his organisation.I don’t want to take college classes right now.We’ve got the Hearts after us.We’ve got the whole mess with the guys from Hubert’s pack.I want to stop the Hearts.I want to stop organisations like them.I want to help create a world where what happened to Mathew won’t happen to anyone else.”

“Well, that’s definitely not danger-free.”Caleb lets out a soft laugh.“But if that’s what you want, I’ll support it.And I’m sure Mathew would love having you at his side too.”

He leans back, looking up at the canopy of the bed as he lets out another laugh, deeper this time.“I have a feeling that this is exactly how Erika got to where she is now.That drive to rid the world of the Suits Syndicate pushing her every step.”

I laugh too.Yes, that sounds about right.And like her, I’ve got an amazing pack to make that happen.“Do you think we can work together with Erika’s pack?I know that she’s focused on a different part of the Suits, but would that be possible?”

Caleb reaches out, touching my cheek tenderly.“If it’s you who asks, I’m sure neither Erika nor Mathew will be able to say no, they both adore you too much to turn you down.”

“Hey!”I glare at him, frowning.“It’s not about how much they like me, or how much they won’t be able to deny any of my requests.I’m serious.I want to have the best chance to make a difference.”

“I didn’t mean to anger you.”He pulls me back against him, his lips close to mine.“I meant that if anyone can make it happen, it’ll be you.”He gives me a soft kiss, his pheromones filled with warmth and love.“There are plenty of personalities in our packs that will likely clash over the smallest annoyances.But if it’s you who brings them together, I know that everyone will be on their best behaviour.”

He kisses me again, longer this time, before he meets my gaze, grinning wide.“And if anyone misbehaves, they’ll have to deal with Erika or Mathew.Erika might not have the same reputation as Mathew, but you know that nobody wants to cross her.”

I laugh too.Right.

“So, do you think this is a good idea?”I entwine my fingers with Caleb’s, looking at our hands together, nervous.

“I think it’s important that you do something that you want to do.Of course, two packs, no matter how well we work together, won’t be able to take all of the Suits down.But I believe we can make a difference.If that’s what you want, you should go for it.”He kisses my fingers, pulling my gaze to his eyes, which are filled with love.“I’ll support you in any way possible, like I always have.”

My heart skips a beat at the tone of his voice, then I nod.“I just don’t want what happened to Mathew to happen to anyone else… I don’t care how big the organisation is, I want to be responsible for making sure that by the time my coffin is lowered into the ground that they’re smaller than they are now.And I want every bastard that ran or otherwise supported that ‘brothel’ and every piece of shit who ‘rented’ himdead.”

---