Page 187 of Tarek

I let out a hollow laugh.

“You think I didn’t see the pillow casting a shadow over my head. Or the subtle shift of her love to hate that reflected in her eyes.” I feel like my insides are falling apart.

My father opens his mouth to speak, but I cut him off. “I was just a child—a kid trying to manipulate her moods in order to survive. All the while I am praying for your protection, where were you?”

“Son….”

“While I was fucking screaming for your protection, you gave it to another fucking son.”

My insides tremble. “I was yours and for years you treated me like an afterthought. Like I was your other woman’s son. I will tell you one thing; I will never be that kind of father to my children.

The room becomes silent then my father’s shoulders slump. “There is so much you will never understand,” he says softly.

“Tell me then?”

“Your mother… she took it all away. She violated me. Even after her death…I couldn’t escape her.” My father’s hands tremble his voice cracking with emotions.

“Honestly, I don’t fucking care.”

“I should have done things differently, but I love you, Tarek.” My father pulls me by the neck and presses his forehead against mine. His hold feels desperate, like an apology he can’t say. But it’s not enough.

I shove him away, my voice is flat and cold. “You caused me to live with my trauma, don’t think you can come here to heal it. It’s too late for that shit.”

My father looks defeated, staring at his opened palm. “I sacrificed so much trying to save what I wanted. You. Miranda. Archer.”

“But what you wanted, became the sacrifice.”

“Son.”

I turn to leave the living room. Over my shoulder, I shout, “Please see yourself out.”

Walking up to my room, I acknowledged that because of the sins of my father, I’m broken in my head, heart and soul.

* * *

PENNY

Pain radiates under my stomach and lower back. My body feels like it’s about to rip open. Stupid Braxton Hicks has me switching from one side of the bed to another, trying to find relief. Carrying one baby would have been hard, but two? I feel like my stomach has stretched to capacity. I wish I had someone to rub my back for me, or my feet. Tarek would normally do that for me, but now he is not here.

When I needed him most. Why couldn’t I be enough for him? Why didn’t anyone want to stay with me? A soft knock interrupts my thoughts. I lift my head. Archer is there, standing in the doorway.

“Can I come in?” he asks.

I roll up off my side and tap the bed.

He crosses the room and settles on the bed, his weight sinking us deeper in it.

Another stab of pain hits, I hold the side of my stomach wincing.

“Should we go to the hospital?”

“God no it’s Braxton Hicks. What up?” my hands make a slow circular motion on my stomach.

“I was checking on you and my nieces or nephews.”

I bow my head. “We are good.”

“Are you?” he asked.

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