Page 136 of Tarek

“Heard me?”

She wipes her eyes, bows her head and rubs her fingers anxiously. “I heard you talking to the guys at the wedding. You want kids and marriage and a family life. I can’t give you that, Tarek.”

“But the common thread in all that is you. I want you, Pen. So, why did you run?” I wait patiently.

Penny’s eyebrows knit together in confusion. “I already told you.”

A deep dark bitter laugh slips from my throat. I step closer to her, invading her personal space. “It’s been four hundred and twenty-four days, twenty-one hours and fifty-five minutes since I last saw you. I need to know why you ran?”

Her throat bobs as she swallows. “I panicked.” She licked her lips, and I can see the hurt swimming into her eyes. “Dr. Samson made me feel like a failure and I thought why stay and wait for you to leave when I could do it before you.”

Her shoulders sag in defeat. “I feel like I failed as a woman, Tarek. PCOS may sound like a joke to some but I am dealing with mood swings and hair growing in unwanted places. I am sasquatch at this point. Weight gain, and now it has affected my ability to have children.”

I should feel sorry for her. I should feel compassion but all I feel is rage.

I walk forward and she takes a step back. “You fucking panicked, so you ran? That’s a lame excuse.”

“Tarek.” Her voice trembles and she steps back, her hands going up trying to stop me.

“You didn’t trust me enough.” My hurt was spilling over inside of me.

“I—” Penny falters, words fail her. Closer and closer we walk to the far end of the balcony.

“I was confused. I?—”

I shake my head not wanting to hear her. “I told you I love you and like everyone else you fucking left.”

“No, I didn’t leave because of that.”

I reach out, gripping her jaw, my fingers firm as I back her into the corner where the wall meets the balcony.

“Shut the fuck up. For a year I tormented myself. Wondering if I crossed a boundary, if I hurt you somehow.”

Tears stream down her face and she wipes them away. “Tarek.”

“Your pain should have been mine to carry. Your fear should have been mine to fight, I would have handled it.” I want to squeeze the shit out of her jaw.

I lift her face higher, tilting it toward the city lights. “But you didn’t trust me enough. It’s about fucking time I show you that you can.”

I bend and lift her, setting her butt on the concrete banisters. As expected, her hands immediately clutch my jacket.

“Tarek, I can fall and die. It’s like 20 feet to the next balcony,” she cries trying to climb down. I move in slotting myself between her legs, forcing her to grab onto the ledge.

“The banister is wide enough for your ass. Don’t look down,” I command.

Penny shakes her head. “No, it’s not. I can feel myself slipping off.”

She was on the edge of hysteria. Her pupils are dilated; she is not looking at me anymore.

I clasp my hands around her ass and drag her closer to me. “Look at me, Pen.”

Her watery gaze meets mine and she hiccups in fright. Maybe this was a mistake. No this was necessary, she needs to understand trust.

The Lakeshore skyline glitters behind her, but the only thing I can see is her.

My hand moves slowly over the golden tiny sequence of her dress, I barely touch her. Penny’s body is tense, she is afraid. But not of falling. It is more than that. She is afraid of me and the things I make her feel.

I bend forward and whisper in her ear. “Tell me you trust me, Penny.”

---