Page 120 of Tarek

The group goes silent; tension hangs in the air until Cole breaks it with his usual flair. “What fucking kumbaya shit is this? This love shit is fucking our group up. It’s so much feelings. Ugh.”

Dax wrinkles his nose, rubbing his finger under it. “What is that smell?”

Cole shifts the cigar in his mouth, his smirk is lazy. “You smelling something asshole?”

Dax leans in closer, his face hovering closer to Cole. “Oh, yeah, I got it now.” He sniffs dramatically, once, twice. “It smells like…”Sniff, sniff.“Undealt-with trauma. With a hint of emotional issues.”

I chuckle, watching Cole roll his eyes, clearly unamused by Dax theatrics.

Jasper snorts and shakes his head. “Cole, you know what your problem is? You need someone to fuck happiness right back into your miserable soul.”

“That will be the day,” I reply, smirking.

Jasper turns and walks to his golf cart and slides in. “All right enough of this therapy session. We got more balls to hit before that asshole ties the knot.”

We all follow.

Sliding into the golf cart next to Rhet, I glance his way. “Will you still be an asshole after you get married?”

Jasper rolls up alongside us, with Cole riding shotgun and Dax chilling in the back scrolling his phone.

Cole points his finger at Rhet. “He was born an asshole, now he will be an asshole with feelings,” Cole wiggles his fingers in Rhet’s direction for emphasis with a devilish grin on his face.

Jasper drives forward, with Rhet and I following. “Rhet you good though?”

He glances quickly in my direction. “I am getting married tomorrow. I’ve never been this happy in my life.”

* * *

PENNY

White peonies and hydrangeas line the arches and pews of the church, casting a soft, dreamlike beauty over the space. It feels like heaven in here.

My best friend had a bout of cold feet, but after a heartfelt talk with her husband-to-be, Rhet, he reaffirmed his love for her and all her fears quietly slipped away. Now I’m standing at the head of the aisle, watching my bestie exchange vows with him.

My eyes find Tarek’s and he gives me a small knowing smile, and I return it. Last night was the first time in months I didn’t sleep next to Tarek. I chose to stay with Zeeta for the night.

I can still remember his message.

Whatever it is we can fix it. Come home.

Come home. When did our houses become homes for each other? I sigh trying to keep a smile on my face. I turn my attention to Zeeta watching the tears slide down her cheeks as she says her vows.

Rhet taps the pocket of his jacket and Zeeta giggles. Whatever the secret they share, it’s theirs and they look happy. Do I want to be married? No. Well I am not sure. But people in marriages could leave. They always leave.

“I now present to you Mr. and Mrs. Rhet Banner,” the priest says.

She did it. I pass the flowers back to her and my eyes fill with water. Forget me, my friend is happy. That’s all that matters.

Watching her and Rhet glide down the aisle makes my heart happy. I pull my emerald green dress up as I walk behind the bride and groom.

I can feel Tarek’s eyes burning into my back. But today is not about us. It’s about our friends and I intend to keep it that way.

For the rest of the night, I avoid Tarek. How do I tell him that I failed? That I can’t have children. Would he look at me the way Melvin did? With hints of disgust and shame. Men always start out happy. Then they leave. Like my father did. They don’t come back. And I’m left with a hole in my heart that I have to heal. Over and over. Like a bad loop. Maybe it’s better if I leave first.

This whole idea was stupid, I was stupid to think that this time it would be different for me. The sensible thing would be to talk to him. But what would I even say?

No. I need to leave Tarek before he leaves me. It’s for the best.

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