Page 102 of Tarek

ChapterTen

Dereck

Today is the day. I have made my mind up. Today I am going to approach Miranda and tell her that I was wrong. That we should be a family. That I’ve already drawn up the divorce papers for Ilyana to sign.

Today is the perfect day. It’s a day of joy and congratulations. I stand in the shadows watching her cross the stage to receive her degree. Her green and black gown billows as she moves. She did it. She is about to be a doctor. Her smile is huge as she waves at my eight-year-old son who is sitting next to another man. I found out about him. His name is Jermaine, he is a construction worker. Seems decent enough, but I don’t like him. Miranda bounces off the stage, her hair is sleek and straight falling over her shoulders.

She blows a kiss in our son’s direction before taking her seat again.

It doesn’t take long for the ceremony to end. One by one people filter out into the courtyard, trading hugs and quiet congratulations.

Armed with red roses I weave through the crowd, catching sight of Miranda. She holds the top of her cap, pausing to take pictures with her friends, her laughter ringing out.

Mine. She is about to be mine. Mine to hold, mine to keep. Just mine. My heart pounds, my palms are sweaty as I get closer.

I am almost there Sticks. The crowd starts to thin and then I hear it, a scream of excitement. I stop short scanning through the crowd and then I see it: Miranda’s hand flies to her mouth and it’s trembling.

No! Fuck no. I push my way forward not caring who I bump into, just in time to hear her say. “Yes, oh my God, J. Yes.”

Jermaine slides a ring on her finger. The stone is the size of a dust particle.

Rage engulfs me. Miranda’s friends all gather around her happy, clapping. Like this is some happy moment. My stomach twists, I want rip that cheap ring off her fucking fingers.

I should have killed him when I got the chance. Why is she so happy over a cheap ring that looks like it came out of a fucking gum ball machine?

She can’t love him. She doesn’t love him. Why him? My son jumps in glee around them in excitement.

“Daddy, we did it.”

My grip loosens and the flowers drop to the floor. My son calls him Daddy? Seeing Miranda excited about a marriage was one thing, but hearing my son, my boy call Jermaine. “Daddy” is another.

I hate him, he has taken everything from me. Now is my turn to take it all back. I turn away from the scene of the happy family, disappearing into the crowd. I will be back. Soon enough both Miranda and my son will be calling me daddy.

* * *

TAREK

I can’t remember whose idea it was to get fucked up, but I have been paying for it all day. First, I woke up to a dribbling Jasper, and a tie wrapped around my head. I don’t recall much about last night, but I know there were more than five bottles of Macallan and BX3 involved and some other cocktails. I remember seeing Cole get a blow job from someone while I was peeing in the bathroom, and Dax had someone bent over the table while I drank, and Jasper sniffed god knows what off the table.

I don’t remember anything else. I don’t even know how we are back in Dax’s penthouse. What woke my soul up was hearing Rhet Banner talking about his P.A. saying I love you. Shit. Dax was right. Rhet is serious about this girl; he’s in love. Good for him, but fuck him at the same time, since I have a mini marching band in my brain.

Rhet is in love with his P.A. and I am trying to get the P.A.’s best friend pregnant. What a world.

With a towel around my waist, I drag myself out of my shower, rubbing my wet hair. I check my phone. Half the day has passed and she hasn’t called. But why would she since I was the one behaving like a crackhead.

“Shit,” I throw myself onto my bed.

I am not in love, but when Cole asked if I wanted to join him and the girl in the bathroom, I declined. Me, who loves having sex with different people. I love the feeling of different hands on my body as I fuck. Now the only hands that I want on my body is Penny’s. When I think about it, I haven’t touched my cabinet in some time. I haven’t given out a necklace to a girl or reached inside for my usual condom stash. The newest necklace I have is the one I had made for Penny, and I don’t want to give it to her.

How could I let this happen? What do I do now? I lie back and stare up at the dark mahogany ceiling, searching for answers in the crystals in my chandelier. I wish there was someone that I could talk to about this. I can’t talk to the guys, not right now. I have no one. That’s the thing, I never have anyone to give me advice or help. Even though my dad and I have a good relationship, he is just never around. I have no one, I am accustomed to having no one. Now I have Penny. I feel like I could go to her and say it all. She will never judge me. I laugh more with her. I feel everything more with her. When did I develop these…feelings?

She must think I’m such an asshole. I am giving her whiplash at this point. I had to go last night. I was and I am still trying to figure out my feelings. There is that word again. Feelings? I can’t remember the last time I had that.

I turn my head to peep at the clock, 6:00 p.m. I should go to her, but I need an excuse, I don’t want to just show up.

Just then a ding rings out into the large bedroom and an evil smile spreads over my face. There, I found my excuse.

It doesn’t take me long to roll out of bed and change my clothing. Just when I’m about to grab my keys, my phone vibrates in my pocket.

---