Page 183 of Tarek

“Let’s play a little game. It’s about love.”

“How do you play?”

“I will call your father then hang up. Then you will do the same. Whoever he calls first wins,” I already begin typing out the number, it shows up on a green screen.

“What kind of game is that?”

“A fun one,” I reply.

He frowns “What does the winner get?”.

“Life,” I reply

“And the loser?”

I dial and hang up. He does the same.

“Freedom.”

The phone rings and it’s Tarek. My heart drops because I wish it was my phone he called.

“Hi, Dad, no mom and I were just eating cake.” He grins at me and continues talking to his father. He doesn’t see the small gun I place under my chin. I close my eyes.

“Mom?”

“Goodbye. Mon Tresor.” I give him a smile.

Then I feel the hot steel against my skin. My world tilts. My body folds sideways weightless. Light fractures. Sounds thin. Tarek is screaming, shaking me. His voice breaks through the blur, then fades. Each second pulls me farther from him. My vision narrows. My breath slows. Then silence. Stillness. For the first time in my life my mind is quiet. My soul exhales, finally I am free.

* * *

TAREK–8 months

I don’t know how to begin so all I do is say. “Treasure.”

Seeing her in tears hurts me deeper than I expected.

“What is this?” she asks.

Across the room my mother’s old cabinet gapes open, boxes spilling out. My condoms are on the floor. Some of the pills laid opened. My life, laid bare in a cabinet.

I didn’t tell her that, how do I explain the thoughts associated with this cabinet.

“Say fucking something Tarek?” Penny whispers, she wipes her tears away but they keep coming.

“About the cabinet or the chain in your hand?” I ask. I’m trying to be calm, but I feel exposed. Violated.

“The chains,” Penny weighs them in her hand.

“They’re tokens. For the women I’ve ended things with.” I reply, digging my hand in my pockets.

“You gave me a necklace,” she states.

“I know.”

Part of me wants to beg for her forgiveness. Scream that I love her, that she not like the others. The other part reminds meif they love you they will stay. Never beg, never plead for someone’s love.

“Is that all you have to say?” She asks, her hands grip the end of the bed.

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