Page 129 of Tarek

ChapterFifteen

Ilyana

Ilove Valentine’s Day. No one ever cared for me on V-day. Sure I get jewelry and flowers, but no effort was ever made. Tonight is different.

There are polyester rose petals scattered on the linoleum floor of the cheap motel. A plastic flickering candle, grocery store flowers and a red heart-shaped balloon. Jermaine remembered that today was one of my favorite days. And for once I feel seen.

Months ago, I had a plan to make a big family with my best friend and my husband. I thought he was the missing piece.

But plans changed. Miranda doesn’t deserve Jermaine. He says she works long hours, and his son is with the sitter. I draw a heart over his heart. With me he will never feel neglected. You see, I understand. I even understand why he had another child with another woman. Jermaine is trapped being suffocated by her unreasonable demands. He said Miranda raved at him and he mentioned that she wants a divorce.

A divorce will be great because I will have Dereck and Jermaine for myself.

She will never understand how her neglect has hurt him. Miranda’s eyes are always trained forward to the future. It’s never in the present. But my eyes are. My feelings have grown for Jermaine. He is a selfish lover, but I can teach him. He cares for me, I know he loves me. Maybe it’s time I tell him.

“She doesn’t understand,” Jermaine says. I wasn’t paying attention. I am sure he was moaning over Miranda, but all that is going to come to an end because he has me now.

I press my naked body unto his chest, “I have something to tell you?”

“What’s that princess?” he asks.

I love that he calls me princess. You only give sweet names like that to people you love.

Covering his heart with my hand I lean down to kiss him, when I reopen my eyes, I say it. “I love you Jermaine.”

His face falls, and his body tenses below mine, like I did something wrong. I become nervous because maybe he thinks I am lying.

“I do love you,” I say my voice trembles. “I can’t leave Dereck because of money reasons. But you can leave Miranda, and we can?—”

Jermaine wraps a hand around my wrists and slowly rolls out of bed. He grabs his boxers and yanks them on, then he begins to pace.

“How do you know my wife’s name? I never told you, her name?” His voice is hard.

I roll up to a sitting position, kneeling in the middle of the bed. It’s time that I told him the truth. “She was my childhood friend.” I laugh because that’s not true. “Actually, she is my sister, my dad fucked the housekeeper.”

Jermaine’s face twists in horror. He grabs his pants, hurriedly he puts them on.

“Where are you going?” I ask. I lick my lips in panic.

He ignores me. Jermaine takes his shoes from in front of the door and sits on the bed with his back to me. I crawl to him and wrap my arms around his neck.

“Don’t be afraid,” I whisper in his ear. “We can tell her together that you love me and?—”

“I don’t love you Ilyana.” His voice is cold…Final.

I remove my arms slowly from around his neck, and shake my head.

“No, you call me princess. You got me Valentine’s Day stuff. You love me.” I sit back on my heel.

Jermaine sighs and bows his head. “This was all a mistake. You are a mistake. This should have never happened.”

His words stabs me, he called me a mistake. Pain radiates in my body and my hand trembles.

“No. No. You love me, Jermaine. You don’t mean that.” I look at the red heart-shaped balloon, bouncing on the ac.

Jermaine pushes off the bed and shouts, “No, Ily, I love fucking you, but I don’t love you.” He drags his hand down his face and breathes. “I love my wife. I am sorry.”

Something cracks inside of me. Not loud, not dramatic, just broken.

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