Page 104 of Rhet

My tears begin to run faster. “I have to mom.”

“Says who? You gave up going to Europe to study when your dad died to stay back and help with the house.”

I wipe my tears away. “I had to, mom, you needed help.”

“Your brother got sick, you took up two jobs to take care of us.”

I did. After Dante got shot, I worked at a doctor’s office during the day and a Chinese restaurant as a waitress at night.

“Then when I got sick, you sacrificed even more for me.”

I squeezed her tightly. “I have no regrets, mama.”

“ButIdo. I regret not telling you to stop. You don’t have to be the one to fix it all. Someone else will do it.”

I sniffle, playing with the yellow buttons on her housedress. “I don’t know what to do next.”

“I know of a story of a tiger and boy in the jungle. The boy says to the tiger, I can’t see a way through” My mom rubs my back slow.

She continues, “The tiger says can you see your next step? The boy says yes. The tiger laughs and says just take that.”

I sniffle and look up at her. “Take a step,”

“Yes. I know you are looking at your future, your goals. The things you want to accomplish, the responsibilities that you have.”

“I have so much on me ma, its overwhelming.”

“Stop worrying, whatever your goal is, with each step you will come closer to it.”

“So I all I need to focus on is my next step.” I reply.

“Exactly figure out what your next step is.” She kisses my head. It feels nice.

“I met a boy. Well not a boy, but a man.”

“Really, that’s wonderful.”

“I might do something to hurt him. Even though he hurt me first.”

My mom stays quiet and rocks me. “You don’t hurt the people you like, Zee.”

“What if I already did, mama?”

She squeezes me tightly. “You know the key to a great relationship is forgiveness.”

“Have you forgiven the person who hurt D?”

“I pray for that person. At first, I wanted them dead. Now I pray because I’ve forgiven them. Forgive yourself, then forgive them. That’s all I can say.”

I nod, knowing this time will come to an end soon.

“I love you, ma.”

She looks at me, her eyes roving over my face, as if trying to commit me to memory.

“I love you too, sunshine. You’re the best daughter a mom can ask for.”

I hug her once more. These are the moments I miss so much. Everything has changed over the last thirteen years. It’s like I never got to stop and breathe.

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