Page 3 of Most Of All

Swallowing the hard lump that has now formed in my throat, I reply, “Why?” He remains silent. “Why Jack? Why after pushing me away almost all our lives, are you suddenly interested, why?”

“Because…” he pauses for a moment and then continues, “Because I do care. I have always cared for you, and yes, I know I don't always show it. But I can't...not yet.”

“Not yet?” I repeat back at him. Confusion sweeps over me as my eyes focus elsewhere. “What's that supposed to mean, ‘not yet’?” I ask, turning my gaze back to him.

“It means that one day, I want an us...It means that. Err...just for now we can’t be together. It means I have always wanted you too, Raine. I just can't give you everything yet. I can’t worship you the way you should be worshiped. You should be treated like a queen, and I can’t do that. Not yet.”

I can’t believe what I’m hearing. “Are you being serious right now?” I yell, jumping up. I begin to pace the room trying to get my thoughts together. Not yet. Not yet. I keep repeating trying to understand. I turn back to Jack, “Are you messing with me right now, because it's not funny?” I ask, my voice shaking.

I pace again, not waiting for a response from him. Does he think it’s funny? Because I’m not laughing? Why is he doing this now, after all this time? I can detect my anger building and I think I can hear him say something, but my mind is not registering his response right now.

Without thinking it through, I turn back to him, and grab the collar of his shirt tightly. I push him down onto the bed and straddle his waist, keeping a tight hold of his collar. “You have always pushed me away. I don't understand you right now! What is this? Why now?” I’m finding it hard to get the words out. Spitting on him as I speak, I’m not even sure if my words are making sense. “You don’t care. You’re just saying all this to mess with me, why? I don't know what you are trying to do, but you can’t do this to me.” I’m almost sobbing now, and my grip loosens on his shirt. Sliding off him, I turn away. I can’t bear to face him right now. I need a moment to calm myself.

I feel him come up behind me. Pressing the front of his body against my back, his arms wrap tightly around my waist. My body comes alive at just the slightest touch. His breath on the back of my neck tingles, sending a shiver through me. I lean back onto him, loving this feeling. The feeling of him. Gripping a hold of my hips, he whips me around abruptly, pushing his erection into me. Leaning in close, his lips brush my ear as he whispers, “This is what you do to me Raine! This is how I feel. Can you feel that? Can you feel how hard I am for you?”

A moan escapes me at his words. He slowly takes the lobe of my ear between his lips and sucks it into his mouth, letting it go with a pop. Lifting my head up to his, his eyes clash with mine. His pupils are fully blown, and he’s looking at me with a look of pure need. My heart stops. With trembling hands, I reach up and grab a hold of his collar again, but this time I pull him into me and our lips collide. He doesn’t pull away or stop me. His tongue parts my lips to let him in. I can’t believe this is finally happening. My thoughts race. He is kissing me back, and it’s passionate. He wants this too. He wants me.

The good thoughts last barely two seconds. This isn’t how our first kiss was supposed to be. There is something about it that feels off. I pull him closer to me, trying to deepen the kiss, but it’s still not right.

Both of us are panting as we break apart. He leans his forehead against mine. It's clear he’s not feeling the same strain as me right now. “Believe me now?” He whispers, just before he picks me up by my ass. My legs wrap around him instinctively. He starts kissing me again, deeper this time, more primal. I’m trying my hardest to submit myself to him. I give the kiss everything, but it still feels off, like there is something missing.

Not breaking away, he starts walking us toward the door, slamming my back up against it. He grinds his now extremely hard cock against my center. Trying to get lost in the moment, I reach a hand down to the waistband of his trousers, but he grabs hold of my wrist, stopping me in my tracks. Instead, he sets me back down on the floor. Guilt darkens his eyes as he whispers, “I'm sorry Raine, I can't go there with you, not yet.”

Taken back momentarily, I shake my head in disbelief. Seriously? I suck in a few deep breaths hoping to calm the sinking feeling that is now churning in my gut. “Are you actually serious right now, Jack?”

No longer in control of my frustrations, I slap him across the face. Hard. Even I cringe at the sound of my palm cracking on his face. The impact shocks us both.

“Raine, please let me explain!” He pleads with me.

“You're driving me crazy! What do you want from me, Jack? Because this…” I point to him and then me, “You can’t mess with me Jack…my head… I won’t survive it.” Tears roll down my face as I whisper the last few words. I can’t be rejected by him again; it took me years to get over my feelings the first time. I don’t think I can go through it all again.

I push past him and head toward the bed. I just want to bury myself in my comforter right now. “Raine, please, I want this with you, I do. I want it so badly. I promise, I do. But there are some things I need to sort out first. So that when we do happen, and we will happen, I can be the person you need me to—no, the person you deserve me to be. You deserve the world, and I want to give that to you but…”

I turn to look at him, waiting for him to finish, but he doesn’t. He stands still, his head hanging down. It's then that I notice that he’s crying, and my heart sinks. I want to go over to him, but I can’t. It’s like my body is frozen in place. I think I’m in shock. “Raine, please just hear what I'm saying.” He pleads with me, still looking down. “Please, Raine!”

My resolve shatters as my heart breaks seeing him like this. “You have three minutes to explain to me what the hell is going on. Three minutes.”

He walks over toward me and sits back down on the bed. Without blinking he says, “I need your time. I need you to be patient with me.”

“Patient?”

He averts his gaze for a moment. “I need you to wait for me, just for a little while longer. There are some things I need to sort out first. I just need to do this one thing, and then we can be an us.”

“Why? Is this for a case?” I ask, questioning him.

“Well, um...yea, it is, it’s for a case.” He nods. His eyes wrinkle as his lips start forming a slight smile.

“I don't know. I don't know what to think right now. Can you just explain it properly to me?” I ask, hoping he gives me a bit more information than just vague answers.

“I can’t give you all the details, but believe me, it’s important. Let me do this one thing and then it’s you and me, and all this will make sense.”

“For how long… How long do you want me to wait?” I ask. Curious to know just how long he would expect me to wait.

“Not long, a couple of weeks at the most, just give me this time, please.” I can’t say ‘no’ to him. He knows it.

“I’ll think about it.” I agree reluctantly.

“It’s all going to be ok, Raine. Once all of this is finished, we can be together. It will be you and me together just like it should be.”

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