Page 127 of Stay for Me

“I also know not to touch you when you have an episode,” I noted, my voice still trembling.

He ended my short-lived torment then. “Put your hands on me,” he commanded softly.

I lunged and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him in as a sob left me. “I’m sorry. Whatever I did or said to make you go back to that horrible place, I’m so sorry.”

His arms were around me, locking around my waist, his face in my hair. “You did nothing wrong,” he whispered.

I was full-on crying now. “I—I—yes—”

His hands slid up to my shoulders, to my upper arms, gently pulling me back. “No, you did nothing wrong,” he reassured me as his hands cupped my face once more.

I pressed my forehead against his. “Are you okay?”

Moments passed, my heart thundering in my ears, and when he closed his eyes, a tired sigh left him. “I know we said we didn’t have to rush everything into one weekend, but I do need to tell you something before we move on, yeah?”

My nerves were eating me alive. “Anything,” I assured. “You can tell me anything.

“Thinkin’ maybe we need to eat before I do,” he murmured softly, giving me a small smile. I’d never seen anything like it before.

My hands were at his wrists then, my fingers wrapping around him, the touch grounding me. “Nope. Don’t do that,” I pleaded, shaking my head. “Tell me now. My anxiety cannot handle this.”

“Diana—”

“—I want to know everything,” I cut him off, holding his eyes. “For the last eleven, almost twelve, years, I’ve wanted to know everything about you, cowboy. You say we don’t have to do this all in one weekend, but I wouldn’t mind it. I know there are somethings you can never tell me, and there are things I cannot tell you…” I trailed off, kissing him lightly. “But I want everything and anything you can give me, Mags.”

“Always killin’ me, gorgeous,” he said. “Fuckin’ killin’ me and bringing me back to life at the same time.”

I swallowed the cry trying to climb up my throat. “Can you do that for me, cowboy?”

“I’ll give it all to you, Firefly,” he vowed. “Every day, every hour, every minute. For the rest of my life.”

My soul shouted in victory, but my heart, oh, my cautious little heart, stayed quiet.

Then, on his knees in front of me, my head in his hands, he gave me a piece of truth I never saw coming.

“Diana, I’ve been married before.”

My jerk was immediate but unintentional. One of his hands fell away as the other snaked to the back of my neck, holding me steady as my hands dropped back into my lap. “W-what?”

His voice was gentle, patient, everything I needed it to be as my mind conjured this woman—his first wife—in my head. “Her name is Ashley.”

Ashley.

The lump in my throat began to hurt, glass tearing into it now, and I couldn’t speak.

“My family, baby--you willneverknow them,” he declared, the pads of his fingers pressing in. “Ever. They don’t get you. They don’t get access to the only good thing to happen to me in this life.”

The only good thing to happen to me in this life.

When I gave him no response, he pressed, “I need you to understand that, Diana. Not only did I shut that door when I was eighteen, I burned it to the fucking ground. You will never know them. You won’t know what they look like, what they do, where they live. Nothing. I will tell you, eventually, all the shit they put me through, but not now. Ashley is first. Got me?”

I nodded, and he shook his head. “No, Firefly. I need verbal conformation. Can you give that to me?”

“Y-yes,” I croaked.

“Never loved her,” he said, his voice growing harder with each word. “We were kids when we met, and I was a dumbass boy. She made me feel things. She made me feel good when the rest of my life was shit. I admired her, yes, but I never once loved her. You wanna know how I know that?”

He didn’t give me a chance to answer.

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