Page 8 of Choosing You

“I just wanted to invite you to this party I’m going to. I was heading over there and thought you might want to come with me and meet some people. Is your boyfriend still here? Because he can come, too.”

I hear the silence around us and realize that it’s my turn to speak. “My what?”

“Your boyfriend. That guy I met earlier?”

A short laugh escapes as I think of Ryan as my boyfriend. “Ryan’s not my boyfriend. He’s more like an older brother. He just drove me here. He’s heading back tomorrow.”

Garret smiles which draws my attention to his mouth. He has a nice smile. Full lips and straight white teeth. “Then what do you say? You want to go?”

He glances down at my comforter-wrapped body. I follow his gaze and notice that I’ve let the comforter slip down to my waist exposing the skimpy t-shirt I’m wearing—without a bra, of course. I quickly pull the comforter up to cover myself.

“No, I’m really tired. But thanks for asking.”

“Come on. You can’t spend your first night on campus in this crappy dorm room.”

“Yeah, actually I can.” It sounds rude. I can hear Ryan scolding me in my head, telling me to act friendly. “I mean, I’m just really tired from the drive. Maybe some other time.”

“How about tomorrow? There’s a party just down the street from here.”

“Sure. See you then.” I don’t like parties, but I agree to go just to get rid of him. I’m sure by tomorrow night he’ll forget he even asked me.

“Great. Well, goodnight.”

I close the door and lock it. I can’t figure out why this guy has declared himself the one-person welcome committee for Moorhurst College and why he’s zeroed in on me of all people. There’s got to be other new students he could harass at this hour.

I lie in bed exhausted but unable to sleep. I hear some girls running down the hall, laughing. I’m used to sleeping in silence. Ryan and Frank never made a sound at night and my mother was usually passed out drunk.

“Kristen, I need to borrow your red stilettos,” I hear a girl say. It sounds like she’s in the hallway next to my room.

“No, you ruined the last pair. Plus you’ll spend the night at Craig’s and he’s got that stupid dog that chewed up the last pair of shoes I let you borrow.”

Why do these girls insist on having this conversation right outside my door? Do they not understand that people are trying to sleep?

The one girl raises her voice. “Don’t be such a bitch. Your mom will buy you new ones. Plus, you’ve got more shoes than you could ever wear.”

“Forget it. You’re not borrowing them. I have to grab my purse. I’ll be right back.”

I hear loud footsteps stomping down the hall, stopping abruptly at my door. “Hey, babe. Get that hot ass in the truck. We’re leaving.”

I assume it’s the hot ass’ boyfriend. She giggles like a little girl as something smashes into my door. I hope to God they’re not pressed up against my door making out, but it kind of sounds like that’s exactly what’s happening. After a few minutes, I hear them finally leave.

It’s quieter now, but I can’t sleep knowing that I’m stuck here for the next four years. I’m not sure how I’ll survive given that I’ve barely been at Moorhurst three hours and I already hate it. Just a few weeks ago, the thought of going far away to college sounded like the perfect plan. I’d get away from all the crap of my old life and start fresh. But now I feel lost and alone. I guess this is why so many people drop out of college after the first or second week.

You wanna give up? Then give up! You’ll end up just like me! Is that what you want? You wanna end up like me?I hear my mom’s voice in my head again. Those were the words she said when I was crying on the first day of kindergarten. She repeated those words every time I cried or showed the slightest sign of weakness. At least I can give her credit for that. Those words stuck with me all these years. They’re the words I Iive by. Because Idon’twant to end up like her. I can’t let it happen. Iwon’tlet it happen.

I will not give up. I will not drop out and go running home. I’m strong. I can do anything. I repeat the phrases over and over again until I finally fall asleep.

Ryan arrives at 8 a.m. sharp. I’ve been up since 6 when the morning sun started filtering through the useless curtains on my window. I watched the minutes on the clock tick slowly by waiting for Ryan’s familiar face to show up. I’m dying to see a familiar face.

“I’m ready. Let’s go.” I push past him and shut the door, locking it. I just want out of that room and out of that dorm. “Where do you want to go? Did you see any restaurants on your way here?”

He grabs my arm. “What’s with the crazy rush? Are you trying to hurry and eat so you can get rid of me?”

His statement couldn’t be more untrue. I desperately want him to stay. At least until my first day of class on Wednesday. It’s only Saturday. What am I going to do with all this free time before school starts?

“I’m not trying to get rid of you. I’m just starving. Let’s go eat.”

“But I thought we could walk around campus first. You didn’t even get to see it last night.”

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