Page 91 of Choosing You

“I have to study. I’ll call you later. Bye, Frank.”

I hang up the phone. My body is aching to move. It needs to release the anxiety and confusion and rage that’s bottled up inside me. Why would Frank lie to me like that? Why would he keep that from me? And if I’m in some type of danger, why wouldn’t he at least tell me whatkindof danger or who’s after me? I thought Frank cared about me. But I guess he doesn’t, at least not enough to tell me the truth. It’s just like I always say. You can’t trust anyone in this world. Not even the ones closest to you.

Garret is upstairs waiting for me to tell him how my call went, but I can’t talk to him right now. Instead I change into my running pants and long sleeve shirt. When I get outside, it’s colder than I thought it would be. It’s probably only 40 degrees, with an even colder windchill. But that’s good. The cold will keep my mind focused on my body and not Frank or that stupid letter.

I hurry down the hill to the track which is still damp from the rain we had earlier. Wet leaves are scattered on the surface and as I run I have to keep dodging them so I don’t slip and fall.

The dark, gloomy sky reminds me that today is Halloween. Soon everyone will be drinking and partying even more than at last night’s Halloween Eve parties.

Garret hasn’t said what he’s doing tonight. I wonder if he’ll go to another party. Saturday is usually our night to hang out, but it’s such a huge party night that I’m sure Blake will force him to go out, threatening to tell Garret’s dad about us if he doesn’t.

The thought of Garret hanging out with Blake makes me run faster. I really hate that guy. I’ve dealt with assholes before, but something about Blake really bothers me. It’s one of those gut feelings that doesn’t make sense but nags at you, telling you something isn’t right.

The biting wind eats through the fabric of my clothes. My muscles tighten up, signaling me to go inside. But it’s not time yet. I’m still so angry at Frank that even my run isn’t helping get rid of my rage. I counted on him. He’s all I have. In a few years, Ryan will move on and get married, maybe have some kids. He’ll forget all about me. Frank is the only person I’ll have left in my life. And now I can’t trust him.

I focus on my breathing, trying to calm down.You can’t count on people, Jade. They’ll only let you down.She’s there again, talking in my head. And she was right. I can’t count on people. And the fact that she was right infuriates me.

My mother’s world was dark and sad. I used to tell myself that her words were a reflection of that. That her words weren’t true. That the world was a better place. It had to be. I couldn’t live in the world my mother described. But now I’m realizing it’s exactly what she said. Dark. Lonely. Dangerous.

“Jade.” I look up and see Garret on the side of the track, bundled up in a coat and scarf.

I run over to him. “I can’t talk right now. I’ll see you tomorrow for breakfast, okay?”

I’m mad at Garret, too. I’m not even sure why.

I turn to take off again but he holds on to my arm. “Tomorrow? What are you talking about? I thought we were spending the day together.”

“Let go of me.” I tug on my arm.

“Did you talk to Frank?”

“Yes. Now let go of me!” The bitter wind is drying my sweat, making me shiver.

“So it didn’t go well. Is that why you’re out here freezing your ass off?”

“I don’t want to talk about it. I need to run. We’ll talk later.”

“You’re done running. You’re not even dressed right. It feels like winter out here. Come on.” He puts his hand firmly around mine and starts dragging me off the track.

I yank my hand back. “Dammit, Garret! Would you just leave me the fuck alone? I’m sick of this!” I scream it at him as the wind howls around us. My cheeks are so frozen it’s hard to even form the words.

“Sick of what?”

“I’m sick of you trying to rescue me all the time! I’m sick of you interfering! I’m sick of you thinking you know what’s best for me!”

His eyes search my face, trying to figure out what’s going on. I can see that I’ve hurt him and I feel horrible about it. There’s no reason for me to yell at him. So why am I doing it? Why am I screaming at the one person who is the only glimmer of light in my life? Why am I like this?

“Just go! Leave me alone, Garret! I need to be alone!”

It’s not at all what I need. And it’s definitely not what I want. And yet I ask for it. Beg for it!

I stand there, waiting for him to scream back at me. Waiting for him to tell me I’m not worth it. Waiting for him to turn and walk away, vowing never again to involve himself with the crazy girl standing before him. But instead he takes his coat off and puts it around my shoulders, zipping it up in front. He takes his scarf and wraps it around my neck. Then he plants his arm firmly around my shoulder and starts walking back, pushing me forward. I go with him, confused but also incredibly relieved that he’s taken charge of the situation that I’ve lost all control over.

On the walk back, he says nothing. I can’t tell if he’s angry or frustrated or just wants to drop me off in my room and never speak to me again. I’m convinced it’s the latter.

When we’re back at my room, he waits for me to unlock the door, then follows me inside. I can’t figure out why he’s still here.

He takes his coat and scarf off me, then starts going through my dresser drawers. He pulls out some clothes and shoves them into my hand. “You’re freezing. Go take a hot shower and get dressed. I’ll wait here.”

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