Page 78 of Choosing You

I finally reach the house, sweaty and out of breath. The party is so crowded that people have spilled out onto the lawn, which is littered in red plastic cups. Most of the girls are wearing Halloween costumes and the guys are dressed normal. People are making out on the front porch and one couple is blocking the front door. I push them aside but they’re too drunk to notice or care.

Inside the house, the music is blaring and the smell of sweat, perfume, and beer permeates the air. The place is packed. I squeeze between people as I make my way through the room, searching for Garret.

“Look who’s here.” I feel a heavy arm drape across my shoulder and smell that disgusting woodsy cologne. “What’s up, Ohio? You look like you could use a drink.”

I notice that we’re standing right next to the bar, which explains why Blake’s there. He’s completely wasted and reeks of alcohol.

“I need to find Garret. Have you seen him?” I have to yell to be heard above the music.

Blake leans down near my ear and yells back. “He’s busy. You like vodka, Ohio?”

I back away and shove his arm off me. “What do you mean he’s busy? Is he here?”

“Yeah, he’s here.”

“Then where is he? I need to talk to him, Blake. It’s important.”

“Get in line, sweetheart.” He points to a closed door on the other side of the room.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Garret’s in the boom boom room.” He laughs as he thrusts his hips at me.

“No, he’s not. Tell me where he’s really at.”

“Go in there and see for yourself. He’s in there with Ava. I don’t think Ava’s that hot, but shit, the guy’s gotta get it from somewhere because he’s not gettin’ it in Ohio.” Blake laughs so hard he starts coughing, then grabs a bottle of vodka and takes a drink.

“You’re so disgusting. Just tell me where he—”

The door to the room Blake was pointing at opens and Garret walks out followed by Ava.

I’m sure my heart has stopped because I can no longer feel it beating. I’m too overwhelmed by shock, hurt, loss, betrayal, and every other horrible emotion. Even if Garret and I aren’t officially dating, I never would’ve guessed he’d be sleeping with Ava. He hates Ava. He told me he can’t stand even being around her and yet he took her in that room. So was he just lying to me? Have they been sleeping together this whole time? He promised me he wouldn’t lie anymore. He said he wouldn’t keep stuff from me. And I believed him. I confided in him. I told him things. I trusted him.

“See? I told you, Ohio. Need a drink now?”

With my eyes still on Garret, I grab the vodka bottle that Blake is holding out in front of me. I lift it to my lips and tilt my head back. It burns like fire as it moves down my throat. But for that brief moment, I don’t feel any other pain. I take another big gulp. It burns again.

When I bring the bottle down, I see Blake out of the side of my eye, waving over at Garret and pointing at me as he laughs. I catch Garret’s eye across the room. He spots the bottle in my hand and I see his mouth saying my name, his eyes frantic. He starts pushing his way through the crowd. I shove my way to the outside, drop the vodka bottle, and run as fast as I can back to campus.

It’s all too much. My mom’s letter. Garret with Ava. Drinking for the first time. I don’t understand any of it.

When I’m back in my room I rip off my coat, shirt, and jeans and put on my running shoes, shorts, and a t-shirt. I sprint to the track at the edge of campus.

I need to run.

The lines on the track are like a map telling me where to go. I follow their orderly path, my arms and legs moving in a rhythmic pattern. My body repeats the motion effortlessly, leaving my mind to replay what just happened.

I see a girl at a party. She’s drinking. She never drinks. Ever. But there were no other options. It was history repeating itself. Like the script had already been written and she just had to let the scene play out. For 18 years, she promised herself this would never happen. And then it did. She lost all control within a matter of seconds.

That girl was someone else. I will never be her. And I will never be her mother. I refuse.

My legs take longer, quicker strides as I become aware of my body again. I pump my arms because I’m not going fast enough. I still feel all of it. The confusion. The rage. The pain. And I just want it to go away.

The cold night air clings to my skin, cooling the sweat and sending an icy chill through me. My arms and legs ache and my lungs burn from inhaling the frigid air. But I keep going. Because I like feeling this pain. I understand it. And it keeps my mind off the pain that I can’t understand.

A drop of rain hits my face. Then two, then three. Soon rain pours from the sky, stinging my skin.

“Jade, what the hell are you doing out here? I’ve been looking everywhere for you! Jade!”

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