Page 54 of Choosing You

“And Garret’s okay with that? Because from my experience, guys expect sex on the third or fourth date.”

“He hasn’t pressured me like that. Probably because we’re not actually dating.”

“And you’re sure he’s not dating someone else?” Her face scrunches up like she’s afraid to even ask the question.

“No, but it’s really none of my business. He can date whoever he wants.” I say it like it doesn’t matter, but itdoesmatter. I don’t want to even imagine him with anyone else.

She nudges my leg with her pink sock-covered foot. “Jade, I know you’d be hurt if he did that. You like him a lot. I can tell.”

“He’s just a friend, Harper. Nothing more.” I change the subject to her own love life and the guy from her sociology class, who she’s been out with twice now.

By early evening Harper takes off to play tennis and I decide to watch a movie in Garret’s room. I figure if he’s watching football with a bunch of guys, it could be pretty late before he gets back. Ryan and Frank are big football fans and would sometimes stay up until midnight to finish watching a game.

Just as my movie’s starting, I hear the door open. I quickly jump off the bed.

“So I guess you decided to come back and visit your concession stand.” Garret’s smiling from ear to ear like he was actually hoping to find me in his room.

“I didn’t know you’d be back so early.” I grab the remote and shut the TV off. “It’s only 7.”

“The game was a blowout so I left. There’s another game starting later but I didn’t feel like watching it.”

“I’ll let you have your room back.” I hurry past him but he catches me around my waist.

“You don’t have to leave.” He keeps hold of me. I don’t squirm away because I like it. A lot. “Let’s watch a movie.”

My excitement over him wanting me to stay fades when the smell of beer hangs in the air between us.

I push him away. “You were drinking.”

“Yeah? So?”

I glare at him.

“Jade, it was a couple beers. That’s what guys do when they watch football. They drink beer. And I stopped at two. The other guys had at least six each and they’re still drinking.”

“I don’t care what they do. I only care what you do.”

He backs away and throws his hands in the air. “This is fucking college, Jade. I’m not gonna swear off drinking for the next four years. That’s not even fair of you to ask. Do you know what a huge deal it was for me to not drink at that party yesterday? And people acted like something was wrong with me. Even my dad asked why I wasn’t drinking wine during dinner.”

“That’s messed up. You’re not even 21.”

“That’s how it is. I’m sorry if you don’t like it, but I’m not gonna lie to you. There’s gonna be times when I drink. And today I really wanted to drink more, but I held back because of you. And then you still get mad at me!”

“I understand why you did it. It’s a social thing. People expect you to drink. I get that. But I don’t have to like it. And I can’t be around you when I can smell it on you. I’ll see you later.”

He doesn’t say anything as I leave. We both need time to think about this. I realize that drinking is a part of college and I knew that any friends I made would drink. So maybe I’m being too hard on Garret. But being around him after he’s been drinking is hard onme. So where does that leave us? No longer friends? Only friends on weekdays? I’m not sure and I don’t think he is either.

* * *

The entire weekgoes by and I don’t hear a word from Garret, other than a quick hello during English on Tuesday and Thursday. It’s the first full week of classes so I tell myself he’s just busy. But I know that’s not the real reason we’re no longer hanging out.

I could just go up to his room and talk to him about this, but I don’t. It’s not like I’ve changed my mind, so what would I say to him? Sorry I got mad at you for drinking? I’m not sorry. I don’t want him to drink. It’s as simple as that. It’s a lot to ask and I know he still wants to drink so we’re at an impasse.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t miss him like crazy. I’ve been doing more stuff with Harper and some of her tennis friends, but it’s not the same. Garret knows about me. He knows about my past and he’s seen me in those dark moments I never wanted anyone to see. He may not understand what those were, but he still witnessed them and that brought us closer.

On Friday night after dinner, I do my biology homework because my useless lab partner refuses to meet with me to work on it. I can barely concentrate with all the yelling and running in the hallway as girls get ready to go out. Harper had a date and left an hour ago.

I search my backpack for my headphones so I can at least attempt to drown out all the noise.

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