Page 43 of Choosing You

I raise my hand. “Yes. Sorry, I’m here.” The professor continues to read off names. “Thanks.” I whisper to Garret, owner of the foot who woke me from my daydream.

He gives me a brief smile, then focuses on the front of the room again.

At the end of class, the professor hands out notebooks to each of us. “These are your journals. I expect you to write something in them at least three times a week, or daily for you overachievers. You can write anything you want, but it must fill half the page or more. In the past, some students have written about their reaction to a movie, song, or even a simple quote. It’s a free flowing writing exercise so write about whatever you want but I still expect proper grammar and punctuation. This is English class after all.”

“Are you grading these?” someone up front asks.

“You will get points for completing it and those points will go toward your final grade. Also you will not be turning these in until the last class of the semester. I will not be reading each page but I will flip through to make sure you did the assignment.”

He finally passes the notebooks to the last row. “Inside your notebooks, you will find a list of your classmates. You have each been paired with someone. This person is expected to read your journal each week and add a short comment after each post offering suggestions or just general thoughts. And you will do the same in their journal.” He returns to the front of the room. “You should begin writing in these this week. That’s it for today. I’ll see you all next Tuesday.”

Inside the notebook is a loose sheet of paper with a list of names on it. I find my name and who is listed next to it? Garret Kensington.

CHAPTERTHIRTEEN

“Guess we’re partners,”Garret says as he puts his laptop in his bag.

“Did you do this?” I hold the piece of paper up.

“Do what?”

“Did you tell him to make us partners?”

Garret shakes his head. “No, Jade. I would neverforceyou to read my stupid English journal.” He walks out.

“Hold on.” I follow him outside. “So what’s the plan? Do you want to exchange notebooks on a certain day or how do you want to do this?”

He stops for a moment. “Whatever you want to do is fine with me.”

I catch a whiff of his cologne as the breeze blows. He smells as good as he looks. “Maybe we could meet on Saturday and go over them.”

“You want to meet? I thought you just wanted to exchange them.”

He seems totally confused by my request. I’m confused by it, too. I was so mad at him the other day, but I’m having a really hard timestayingmad at him. I don’t know if it’s because it’s been a couple days since our fight, or if it’s because of what Decker said, or if his hotness is affecting my judgment. Whatever the reason is, I want to talk to him again, even if it’s just about our English assignment.

“I think we should meet,” I say. “That way if we have questions, we don’t have to email or call each other. Could you meet on Saturday?”

“Yeah, but it has to be in the morning. I’ll be gone in the afternoon and won’t be back until Sunday.”

“Then let’s say 9. Stop by my room and we’ll go outside.”

“That’s kind of early for a Saturday, but okay.” He walks off.

If I wasn’t so stubborn I would stop him from leaving and demand that we talk right now. I want things to go back to the way they were before all this happened. I want to hear how his classes are going and I want to tell him about mine. I want us to go on another run and have dinner together. I want us to be friends, just like he wanted. And yet I refuse to let it happen. I’m supposed to be punishing him for lying, but I feel like I’m punishing myself.

* * *

On Friday,as I’m walking back from my last class of the day, I realize how much better I feel than last Friday when I arrived. I’m way more comfortable with the campus, I’ve mapped out a few different running routes, and I’m quickly learning what foods to avoid in the dining hall.

I still haven’t made any friends other than Harper. I’m starting to think it’s too late now. People are already pairing off and forming cliques, just like in high school.

I haven’t seen Garret since English class. He’s just one floor above me and yet we never run into each other. I sent his parents a note thanking them for dinner. I wouldn’t have even thought to do that, but Harper said it was a must, especially for people like the Kensingtons who appreciate good social etiquette.

After dinner I stay in my room and do homework feeling like a total loser. My entire floor is quiet and empty. I always thought people partied in their dorm rooms, but they don’t here at Moorhurst. Everyone, including Harper, goes off campus to a house party somewhere.

Part of me wishes I could just go out like everyone else. But I’m too afraid of what could happen. I’m afraid I’ll take a drink and that one drink will turn into another and another after that. And before I know it, I’ll be my mother.

I hate that my mom still controls me like this. I just want to be normal. Go to parties. Date. And not worry so much about school. But I can’t. I want to be different from her. Ihaveto be. And that means staying away from the temptations that made her the person I hated for all those years. The person I still hate even though she’s dead.

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