Page 3 of Choosing You

I grab a towel from the back and quickly wipe up the dark, sticky liquid running down the seat.Dammit, Jade! Look what you did, you worthless brat!My mom’s voice is screaming in my head. I wince, preparing to feel the sting of her hand as it slaps my face.

“It’s clean.” Ryan grabs hold of my arm, which is furiously drying the seat.

I put the towel on the floor by my feet. Ryan lets go of my arm and gets quiet. He knows how my mother haunts me sometimes and he knows I won’t talk about it because I don’t want to talk about my mother. She’s the past and the past is over. And although she gets in my head sometimes, it’s nothing I can’t handle. Ryan probably disagrees with that, but he knows that bugging me about it will only make us fight. So he remains silent.

Ryan is my brother. Well, not my real brother, but close enough. I met him six years ago when he moved into a house down the street from me. He was 15 at the time and I had a huge crush on him. He, of course, had no interest in dating a 12-year-old. So I gave up trying to win his affection and just hung out with him, acting as his annoying little sister. The role stuck and I’ve been annoying him ever since.

I scrunch up the open end of the potato chip bag and drop it behind my seat. “There. I won’t eat any more. Are you happy now?”

“I’d be happier if you ate an apple once in a while.”

“Baby steps, Ryan.” I return my feet to the dashboard and wipe my hands on my shorts to get rid of the salt that remains on my fingers.

“I’m getting off at the next exit. I need to get some gas and check in with Dad.”

“Let me call him.” I hold my hand out for the phone. “You know he’d rather talk to me anyway.”

Ryan smiles. “I know he would.” He reaches in his shirt pocket for his phone and hands it to me.

Ryan’s dad, Frank, volunteered to be my legal guardian after my mom died. Frank and my mom went to college together but lost track of each other when my mom dropped out. Her college career ended when a one night stand resulted in me. The sperm donor took off and she never heard from him again.

After I was born my mom never managed to get her life back on track. Instead she started drinking and got hooked on prescription drugs. I can’t remember a time when she was ever normal. My entire childhood was spent taking care of her. And to this day, I hate her for that.

When Frank moved in down the street he tried to be friends with my mom again, but she wanted nothing to do with him, probably because he kept trying to get her into rehab. Whenever she had one of her drunken meltdowns, I’d run off and stay at Frank’s house. Pretty soon I was staying at Frank’s almost every night, so it wasn’t that big a deal to move in with him and Ryan when my mom died.

“Hey, Frank,” I say when I hear him pick up. “We’re almost to Connecticut. And thank God, because your son is driving me crazy.” I smile as Ryan rolls his eyes. “I can’t take another minute in the car with him. Now he’s trying to ban me from eating potato chips. Can you believe that?”

“She’s had five bags,” he yells at the phone as I hold it by his face. “In two days! And not the little bags!”

I hear Frank laughing as I put the phone back to my ear. “See what I mean?”

“He just worries about you, honey. We both do.”

I get a lump in my throat as he says it. It’s only been a couple days and I already miss Frank. He’s been like a father to me ever since I became friends with Ryan and if he hadn’t taken me in years ago, I probably wouldn’t even be going to college.

“Has Ryan given you his lecture about college boys yet?” Frank laughs as he says it.

“No, but I’m sure he will.”

Ryan takes his big brother role seriously. He’s very protective of me, sometimes too much. I don’t like people protecting me. I can take care of myself just fine.

“So you’re almost to Connecticut?” Frank asks. “Are you getting nervous?”

“What’s there to be nervous about? It’s college. Big deal.”

Truthfully, I’m scared shitless. I have no idea what college will be like other than what I’ve seen in movies, which is basically a mix of sex, drugs, and alcohol. I have no idea what the classes will be like or the homework or the professors. At this point, the whole idea of going to college is freaking me out, but there’s no way I’d ever tell Frank or Ryan that.

“You’re going to be great there,” Frank says. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Here we go again.” I glance at Ryan. “I haven’t even done anything yet.”

“You know I’ll never stop saying it. Let’s talk later, Jade. I need to speak with Ryan.” I hand the phone back to Ryan as he pulls up to the gas pump. We both get out and I fill the tank while he talks to Frank. He paces back and forth shaking his head as he listens. Something must’ve happened.

Frank has multiple sclerosis. In the past few months, it’s gotten worse. He used to work as a newspaper reporter, but he had to quit last year because of his illness. He freelances when he feels up to it although lately he hasn’t been able to even do that. Sometimes he loses his balance and falls so now he has a wheelchair but he doesn’t always use it. Ryan hired a nurse to stay at the house while we’re gone because he didn’t want Frank being alone for all these days.

When the gas tank is full, I wait in the car for Ryan. A few minutes later, he gets in, still on the phone. “No, just let me call them. I’ll do it right now.” He pulls forward and parks in front of the gas station.

“What’s wrong?” I ask him as we get out again.

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