Page 189 of Choosing You

I nudge Garret. “I’m going to see if Frank’s awake. I need to say something to him.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“No. I won’t be long.”

I check Frank’s room. He looks half awake so I go in and tell him what I should’ve told him a long time ago. I thank him for everything he’s done for me since that day he moved in down the street. And I tell him that I love him and that he’s been like a real father to me. When I’m done, he smiles weakly but doesn’t respond. He’s sleepy so I let him rest.

As I’m walking back, I pass by people of all ages lying in beds hooked up to machines. Some of those people will probably be gone tomorrow.

When I get to the waiting area, Garret is still sitting there patiently. And I realize that none of my fears about our future together even matter. Because at any moment, one of us could be like Frank, lying there in intensive care. I’m wasting all the moments I have with Garret worrying about something that might never happen. Maybe we’ll be together forever. Maybe we won’t. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is right now.

And right now, I love Garret more than I ever thought possible. And the fact that he’s here with me, supporting me, helping through this, makes me love him even more. I take the seat next to him and rest my head on his shoulder again.

A few minutes later, Ryan returns and motions us into the hall. “I saw the doctor just now and he said Dad’s doing better but he needs to rest. They don’t want visitors in his room until tomorrow. So you guys can leave. I’ll call you if anything changes.”

“Ryan, I don’t want you sitting here all alone.”

“Chloe’s coming soon, so go ahead. I’m sure you’re tired from the flight.”

“Okay. Then I guess we’ll see you in the morning.”

Ryan doesn’t ask where I’m staying, so I don’t tell him I’ve decided to stay with Garret. I’m still Ryan’s pretend little sister, and even though I’m 19 it’s weird telling him I’m staying with my boyfriend instead of at home in my room.

Garret and I go check in the hotel. Of course he booked the nicest one in Des Moines. The room is huge with one king-size bed.

Garret hasn’t said much since we left Frank’s house. Even in the hotel room, he quietly puts his clothes away, not saying anything.

“Hey.” I tug on his arm as he’s hanging a shirt in the closet. “Can we talk?”

We sit down on the bed. He doesn’t look at me and I don’t look at him. Instead I keep my eyes on my hair elastic, which I’m twisting repeatedly around my finger.

“I’m sorry, Garret. I shouldn’t have said all that stuff over at the house. I don’t know why I say stuff like that. I can’t figure out my own head sometimes.”

He doesn’t respond, so I sit there and continue to fidget with my hair elastic. After a while, I can’t take the awkward silence. “Why are you being so quiet?”

He finally looks at me. “Because right now, I’m really pissed off at you and I don’t want to say something I don’t mean.”

“Well, maybe if we talk about it you won’t be so mad.”

He hesitates, then finally speaks. “Today you acted like I was going to break up with you the second I saw your house and where you grew up. Like you think that would somehow matter. Like I’m just one of those rich-kid stereotypes you have stuck in your head, even though I’ve tried to prove to you a million times that I’m not like that.”

“I know you’re not. And I know you don’t think it matters where we came from, but sometimes I can’t get past it. Like today, when we were at the house it just reminded me that I don’t fit in your world. All I could think about was how this will never work. It doesn’t make sense.”

“Dammit, Jade!” He stands up. “It doesn’t have to make sense! Nothing makes sense! Life doesn’t make sense! You’re just trying to find excuses for why this won’t work. It’s almost like you don’t want it to.”

“No, that’s not it.” I pull on him until he sits down again. “Listen. I never should’ve said that stuff about us, okay? You’re right. I don’t know where this is going. You and me. Maybe we actually will be together years from now. I just can’t seem to convince my brain that it’s possible. It keeps telling me it’s not because I don’t have the best track record when it comes to people sticking around. First my mom. Now Frank might leave me. And when I think I might lose you, too, I panic and say things I shouldn’t.”

“You’re not going to lose me, Jade.” His voice is softer now but he still sounds mad. “And you know, it’s not like this doesn’t work both ways. Losing you would suck big time for me, too. That’s why I hate it when you keep saying we don’t have a future together.”

“But I want a future with you. I just say the exact opposite of what I want. I don’t know why I do it. I just do.”

“Then maybe you could work on that. Because I can’t read your mind and I don’t know what to believe sometimes. Half the time I think you’re trying to get rid of me and the other half you act like you want me around.”

“I’m telling you right now that I always want you around. Ignore the other half of the time. Don’t even listen to me. I won’t even talk about the future anymore.”

He tilts my chin up with his hand. “You can talk about the future. Just not one in which we’re not together.”

“Okay, I’ll work on it.”

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