Page 188 of Choosing You

“Did you say they want to college together?” Garret asks.

My mind is so lost in the photo I almost forgot he was standing there.

“They went to Drake. It’s a small college, not far from here. Frank was in grad school then. He’s probably 28 or 29 in the picture.” I toss the photo back in the box.

“You should take one of those. Do you even have a photo of your mom?”

“No, but I don’t need one.” I pull on Garret to leave. “Let’s get out of here. I’m sure you’re not comfortable being in a place like this.”

“Like what?” he asks as I drag him back to the living room.

“This tiny house. This crappy neighborhood.”

“It’s your life, Jade. And there’s nothing wrong with this house. Or the neighborhood.”

“Whatever.” I pick up the bag with Ryan’s clothes and start heading to the door. Garret stops me.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

I stare at him, annoyed that he’s making me say what I know he’s thinking. “It’s shit, Garret. All of this. Well, it’s not to me, but I know it is to you.”

“No. You don’t know. So stop making assumptions. Yes, this place is small, but it feels like a home. My house feels like a hotel. Or a museum. It’s like people don’t even live there.”

“Let’s just go.”

“Wait.” He takes the bag from me and sets it on the floor, then forces me into a hug. “I know this thing with Frank totally sucks. And I know you’re trying to be strong for Ryan, but you don’t need to put on an act for me. Tell me what you need from me, Jade.”

“I need you to tell me that Frank will be okay. He’s all I have. Ryan will probably marry Chloe and then I’ll never see him again. If something happens to Frank I’ll have no one left.”

He pulls back. “You have me.”

“I’m not talking about today. Or next week. I’m talking about years from now.”

“I’ve told you repeatedly that I’m not going anywhere.”

“Yeah. And it’s a lie and I’m tired of hearing it. So stop acting like we’re going to be together in the future.” I back away from him. “Look around, Garret. See this house? And the house down the street where I grew up? We’re from two completely different worlds. I don’t fit in your world. I never have and I never will. I’m not even allowed there. You heard Blake that night he came to your house. He said I’ll never be a Kensington. And as much as I hate the guy, he was right. There’s no future with us.”

As soon as I say it, I regret it. Even though I believe it, I know Garret doesn’t at all. He’s an optimist. He’s convinced we’ll somehow still be together years from now. And although I’d love that to be true, I just can’t imagine it happening.

Garret stands there looking frustrated. “Now is not the time to get into this but I’m just going to say this. You make your own future, Jade. Other people don’t make it for you unless you let them. So if we break up, it’s going to be because you wanted it. Not me. Not anyone else.” He picks up the bag and walks past me out the front door.

I follow him to the car. He opens the door for me and closes it hard. He’s mad at me. And I don’t blame him. I keep pushing him away every time he tries to get closer to me. He’s right. I’m going to end up breaking us apart because I’m so worried that if I don’t, someone else will do it for us.

We ride in silence to the hospital. Ryan’s back waiting in intensive care when we arrive.

“Here’s your stuff.” I hand Ryan the bag of clothes.

“Thanks. I’m going to go change and then call Chloe. Can you stick around in case the doctor comes back?”

“Yeah. We’ll be right here.”

Garret and I take a seat in the ICU waiting area. I can’t stop my legs from nervously tapping the floor. Garret reaches over and holds my hand.

“You can go to the hotel if you want.” I have no idea why those words came out of my mouth. I need him desperately right now. The last thing I want is to be sitting there all alone. Why can’t I just ask for what I need?

After what I said and how I acted earlier, I expect Garret to just get up and leave. To at least get a break from the mean, ungrateful person sitting next to him. Instead, he lets out a long sigh and kisses my forehead, pressing my head down on his shoulder. He doesn’t say a word. He just stays there, holding my hand and waiting for news about a man he doesn’t even know.

As we wait there, I realize that I’ve never told Frank how much I appreciate all that he’s done for me. I’ve never told him how much he means to me. And as much as it kills me to have to express my feelings like that, I need to tell him these things before it’s too late.

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