Page 179 of Choosing You

On Sunday, Garret and his dad tell me that Blake might try to come after me again. The deal they made included a part about Blake staying away from me, a kind of unofficial restraining order, but given that Blake never does as he’s told, he could still be a threat. Garret gives me a taser and some pepper spray. It doesn’t make me feel any safer.

* * *

The next weekwe return to our normal daily routine. I was hoping that doing so would make me forget the whole Blake thing, but it doesn’t. I keep reliving it in my head thinking I could’ve done something to prevent it. Like I should’ve known it was Blake sending that text. Or I should’ve faced the door so I could see him walk in. Or I should’ve left the light on.

Garret keeps offering to spend the night in my room, but I don’t let him. I need to be able to sleep alone in that room. I’m doing as Garret said and not letting Blake control me. I’m not going to live in fear because of him.

I call Frank and Ryan once a day now instead of my usual once a week. It helps to hear their familiar voices. And I see Harper more, too.

This is all new for me. Letting people in. Letting them help me through this. I’m trying it, but I’m not sure how I feel about it. Part of me feels weak, like I need to deal with this myself and keep people out.

On Thursday, Garret asks if I want to go to New York for the weekend since we didn’t get to go the past few times we’ve tried. But I tell him no. I don’t want to be around the crowds and the chaos of a big city. I need quiet.

Friday night, Garret and I have a double date with Harper and Sean. We’re going over to Sean’s apartment because he insists on cooking us dinner.

Harper is already there when we arrive, wearing a pale pink sweater and dark jeans, her long blond hair up in a ponytail. She always looks so put together. Her hair, her clothes, her shoes, her jewelry. Everything fits together.

When she invited us over, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go, but now that we’re here, I’m glad we came. It’s good to be out of my room and doing something fun. Sean has music playing and he does these stupid dances as he cooks. Harper says he does that all the time. And he’s not at all embarrassed to show off these dances with company around.

Sean and Garret hit it off almost immediately. The longer we’re there, the more I like Sean. He’s easygoing and laughs all the time. He’d make a good friend for Garret. Way better than the friends his dad picked for him.

“We should do this double date thing again,” I say to Harper during dinner as Garret and Sean talk sports.

“Totally. I didn’t know those two would get along so well.”

“It was nice of Sean to make us dinner, but next time we should go out so he doesn’t have to do all that work.”

“He doesn’t consider it work. He loves cooking.” She smiles across the table at him. She’s so in love. And he seems to love her, too.

After dinner, we play a trivia game and I wow everyone with my knowledge of random trivia. I never mentioned this oddball talent of mine to Garret. He seems both impressed and intrigued. He keeps asking me questions, trying to stump me, but he can’t do it. I know way too much trivia. Even sports trivia.

I don’t admit to Garret that I won the knowledge bowl tournament twice back in high school. I’ll save that fact for another day.

When we get back to the dorms, I go up and stay in Garret’s room. We kiss a little in bed, but then he turns and goes to sleep. He’s acted this way all week. It’s like he’s afraid to touch me after what happened. It makes me hate Blake even more. He’s not even around and yet he’s still interfering with my relationship with Garret.

Saturday, Garret and I both study for finals all day. That night, he orders a pizza and we watch movies in his room. I know it seems boring, but it’s one of my favorite date night activities. We sit in his giant bean bag chair and I usually fall asleep in his arms before the last movie ends.

It happens again tonight. I wake up when I hear him putting the movie away.

“It’s midnight,” he says, shutting the TV off. “You want to go to sleep?”

“I guess.” Actually Idon’twant to go to sleep. I want us to be together like we were before. “Can I wear one of your t-shirts? I don’t want to go downstairs and get pajamas.”

“Jade, you don’t have to ask. Just take one.”

I go through his drawer and pick one. Out of the side of my eye I see him watching me undress. He changes, too, then we get into bed.

“Goodnight.” He gives me a quick kiss.

“Goodnight.” I kiss him back, but linger at his lips hoping he’ll get the hint I want more. He hesitates, then kisses me again, longer this time. But then he pulls away.

“Garret, don’t do this to me.”

“Do what?” He looks panicked. “What did I do?”

“Nothing. That’s the point. Since this happened you’ll barely kiss me. I feel like you’re punishing me for what happened.”

He sits up. “You know that’s not true. Why would you even say shit like that?”

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