Page 10 of Choosing You

“Let’s just leave. I’ll be at the car.” I get up and storm out the door, not waiting for him. I’m doing all I can not to break down into a sobbing mess. I can’t handle Frank being this sick. I can’t handle something bad happening to him. He’s my family. He and Ryan are all I have. They’re the only people in the world who care that I even exist.

I take some deep breaths and wipe away the liquid that has pooled on the inside corners of my eyes. Ryan meets me by the car and unlocks the doors.

“My freaking allergies are acting up with all these trees everywhere.” I reach down and grab a tissue from the box on the floor of the car. “God, can you believe that kid? And what the hell is wrong the parents?”

Ryan doesn’t answer. He remains quiet as we drive back to campus. I wish he’d just finish telling me about Frank and get it over with. His silence makes me worry even more.

“Do you want to go sit somewhere?” he asks when we’re back on campus.

“Yeah, but let’s stay outside.”

I feel like I might throw up the pancakes I just ate, so there’s no way I could go in my residence hall with its old, musty stench.

I lead Ryan to the open grassy area in the middle of campus. We take a seat on one of the benches under a giant oak tree. It’s a beautiful late summer morning. The humid air has been replaced by a light, almost cool breeze, as if fall has decided to make a brief appearance before summer finishes up.

“So how bad is it? Is he going to die?” I blurt it out. It’s completely selfish of me to mention Frank’s possible death like that. I know it’s the last thing Ryan wants to hear or even consider. But I hate bad news and if it’s bad news I want to be told quickly. Like a bandage being ripped off, not slowly peeled away.

“No, it’s not like that. He got dizzy and fell when he got up to use the bathroom in the night. He wasn’t using his wheelchair.”

“So why is he in the hospital?”

“It was a bad fall. He bruised his ribs and has a stress fracture in his arm.” Ryan takes a deep breath and lets it out. “The doctors said his disease is progressing faster than they expected. Plus he has some other health issues and the MS only complicates those.”

“I don’t understand. What are you trying to say? That Frank won’t be okay?”

“They’re running some tests today and tomorrow. They should know more after that. They’re keeping him in the hospital until at least tomorrow afternoon.”

I get the feeling Ryan’s only telling me part of the story. He always worries about his dad, but he seems even more worried than normal. I don’t know what to say to him. I’m terrible at comforting people. Probably because nobody ever comforted me.

He leans forward resting his forearms on his knees. “I did some thinking last night and I decided to take this semester off.”

“But, Ryan, that’ll mess up your plans for med school. You’ll have to wait another whole year to start.”

“Med school might be on hold indefinitely now. I have to take care of my dad. As you witnessed yesterday, I can’t count on those home health care people. And I can’t afford it. We have medical bills that—” He stops. “Never mind. It’s just that med school is expensive and I need to take care of my dad. I’ll finish college later. Maybe I’ll go back in the spring. I just need to take this semester off and get a job to help pay bills.”

“Have we always been in debt like this? Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve got a job and helped out.”

He sits up and lays his arm along the back of the bench. “You had a job. Going to school, getting good grades, and getting into college.”

“I mean a real job. A paying job. Sacking groceries or waitressing. Anything.”

“Enough talk about money. Let me worry about that. I want you to have a normal college experience. Have fun. Don’t even think about this. I’m sure everything will work out.”

“Not if Frank doesn’t get better,” I mumble.

Ryan gets up. “I really hate leaving you so soon, but I need to get on the road. I have to pick up Dad when he’s released tomorrow.”

“You’ll have to drive all night in order to make it there. That’s like 22 hours hours of driving.”

He laughs. “I know. I just drove it. Don’t worry. I’ll be fine. I’ll stock the car with caffeine on my way out of town. Do you need anything before I leave?”

“No, I don’t need anything. But you’ll call me later, right? Let me know how he’s doing?”

“Yeah, I will. Set up the voicemail on your room phone so I can leave a message if you’re not home.”

“I’m sure I’ll be home but I’ll get it set up.”

“I’m really sorry I can’t get you a cell phone, but I can barely pay for this one.”

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