Page 1 of Choosing You

CHAPTERONE

OCTOBER 30TH

The lineson the track are like a map telling me where to go. I follow their orderly path, my arms and legs moving in a rhythmic pattern. My body repeats the motion effortlessly, leaving my mind to replay what just happened.

I see a girl at a party. She’s drinking. She never drinks. Ever. But there were no other options. It was history repeating itself. Like the script had already been written and she just had to let the scene play out. For 18 years, she promised herself this would never happen. And then it did. She lost all control within a matter of seconds.

That girl was someone else. I will never be her. And I will never be her mother. I refuse.

My legs take longer, quicker strides as I become aware of my body again. I pump my arms because I’m not going fast enough. I still feel all of it. The confusion. The rage. The pain. And I just want it to go away.

The cold night air clings to my skin, cooling the sweat and sending an icy chill through me. My arms and legs ache and my lungs burn from inhaling the frigid air. But I keep going. Because I like feeling this pain. I understand it. And it keeps my mind off the pain that I can’t understand.

A drop of rain hits my face. Then two, then three. Soon rain pours from the sky, stinging my skin.

“Jade, what the hell are you doing out here? I’ve been looking everywhere for you! Jade!”

It’s Garret, the boy who made the girl live out that scene at the party. The scene that was never supposed to happen.

My eyes remain on the lines in front of me and I run past him like he’s not even there.

“Jade, stop! Wait!”

I make another loop around the track as he continues to call out my name. As I approach him again, he moves into my lane and I veer to avoid him.

There’s a sharp tug on the back of my shirt and I stumble forward to a stop. I’m gasping for breath as Garret turns me around and holds me against him so tight I can’t move despite my efforts to break free.

“Stop.” He says it quietly now as he presses my head against his chest. “Just stop running.”

I give up trying to fight him and let my body collapse into his.

A minute ago I never wanted to see him again, but now I don’t want him to let me go.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” he says. “If it’s something I did, I’m sorry. I’ll fix it.”

The cold rain continues to pour down in a steady stream. My shorts and shirt feel heavy against my skin and I shiver as the wind blows around us.

He runs his hand along my arm. “What are you doing out here? It’s freezing and you’re soaking wet. Let’s go inside.”

My legs aren’t ready to move. My entire body is aching, leaving my emotions numb, just the way I want them.

“Jade, talk to me.”

I look up and see him watching me, waiting for some kind of answer. Before he can speak again, I reach up and press my lips to his. I shouldn’t be kissing him so I don’t understand why I’m doing this. But I don’t understand anything right now.

Garret gently pulls away. “Tell me what’s going on. Why are you out here? Why were you at the party? And why were you drinking?” His voice is filled with so much worry and so much concern. After seeing him at the party I don’t know why he even cares. But I know he does. I can feel it and I can see it in his face and it pisses me off. I don’t want him to care about me. Not now. Now after what he did.

I push away but his arms tighten around me. I won’t look at him. Because when I do all I see is the image of him coming out of that room. With her. And then I see the vodka bottle and it reminds me of my mom and that letter she wrote.

It’s too much. It’s too many emotions. I want the numbness back.

The rain continues to pour and I shiver again.

“We’re going inside.” Garret’s tone is forceful. He finally lets me go but grabs my hand, pulling on me to go with him. “Jade, come on. I’m not leaving here without you.”

My mind is still racing, trying to make sense of things that make no sense at all.

When I don’t move, he picks me up and carries me up the hill to our dorm.

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