Page 41 of Differences

“How do you know? Losing a person, regardless of how things happen, is heartbreaking.”

I scoffed and fanned her away. “You don’t get this shit, Taja, that was my fucking mother. I had burned a bridge with her.”

“I get that, and I get that you’re angry about everything, but right your wrongs by showing up now and honoring her. Be there for your sister, and by doing that, you need to apologize. You said some horrible shit to her.”

“Goddamn, Taja! I don’t feel like hearing that shit right now.”

She frowned at me. “I get it you’re upset, and you’re grieving right now, but I won’t be your goddamn punching back. Get your shit together, Weston. All I’m trying to do is to be there for you.”

Taja stood from the bed and made her way to the door.

“I’m going to give you some space before things go left.” She slammed the door on her way out.

* * *

I wasn’tsure how long I had slept, but I was still in the same position I had been in before I went to sleep. It hurt to wake up knowing my life had significantly changed. The hardest thing was accepting I would never see my mother again. I was broken and there was nothing I could do about it. I lost this battle. It had been a while since I was this defeated, and this was taking its toll.

I walked out of the room in search of Taja. She was sitting in the living room eating a bowl of popcorn. She looked beautiful in her sweatpants and oversized hoodie. Her hair was sitting on top of her head, and her face was clear of makeup.

The type of person Taja was, you could never come across them in a million years. Her heart was pure and innocent. She showed up for anyone, regardless of if you showed up for her. She was a person of her word, which was what I admired about her the most. Then, on top of all that, she was breathtaking, perfectly crafted by God from the top of her head to her toe. A jewel in this evil, shitty world. She deserved nothing but amazing things.

“You feeling okay?” she asked as soon as she noticed me.

Even after the way I talked to her, she still checked on me. I didn’t deserve someone like Taja. I was too damaged. The baggage I carried was too heavy. It wouldn’t be fair to pollute her life with my problems.

I sat down beside her and put my head in my hands.

“That’s a dumb question to ask. I ordered Chinese food. I wasn’t sure what you liked, so I got a variety of everything.”

“Taja—”

She stopped talking. I lifted my head up and looked into her eyes.

“What is it? You don’t want Chinese?”

I sighed. “Taja, I’m going to ask you to leave.”

“Huh?” she asked, her eyes opening wide.

“It’s best if you just get your stuff and leave. I’m no good to you right now. The way I talked to you earlier wasn’t nice. I know it’s only going to get worse. I’m all over the place. I’m not even sure how to grieve. You’re going to end up in the crossfire, and I don’t want that.”

“Wes—”

I stood up from my chair. This was harder for me than I thought. I wanted to reach down and wrap her in my arms. I wanted to kiss her face and tell her I didn’t mean what I just said. However, I cared that much about her to protect her from my wrath.

“There is nothing left to discuss, Taja. Get your things.”

“Wes, I promised your sister I would look out for you. Shit, I promised you I will look out for you. If you need space, I’ll stay out here,” she countered.

My back stayed turned to her. I knew if I looked at her, I would crumble.

“I need you gone, Taja.”

She called my name as I walked out of the room. As soon as I made it to my office, I shut the door and locked it. The tears began to build and then fall.

* * *

It had beena week since I left my house. It had been a week since I did anything. I spent most of my days in bed, in the bathroom, and grabbing more liquor from the cabinet. Every time I shut my eyes, I dreamed of life before everything changed.

---