Page 60 of Not In Love

The undeniable truth was that it was a relationship.

The best one she’d ever had. And it was here, with him, where she had least expected it, that she finally felt seen. Known. Even loved.

She knew now what a glorious thing it was to love and to be loved and that somehow, she had to find the courage to tell him. Even if he didn’t feel the same.

CHAPTER18

The café was airy and sun-drenched, all whitewashed brick walls, potted olive trees, and low-hanging glass pendant lights. Outside the tall windows, the afternoon had softened into that gentle, golden haze that made everything look half-forgiven, half-forgotten.

Kash shifted her mojito glass between her palms, condensation slick against her fingers. She was still wondering why Kaif had insisted on dragging her and their mother out to an early Thursday lunch when the wedding was practically roaring toward them like a freight train.

She'd almost said no. Almost claimed errands, fittings, last-minute disasters.

But the look Kaif had given her—quiet, steady—had hooked something in her chest. So, she'd come. For a few moments as they were seated, she wondered if she should bring up stuff with her mother but decided against it.

There was a part of her that just wanted to float on the easy joy she felt when she saw Diego instead of opening two decades worth of emotional trauma. While the lunch had been mostly awkward smiles and stilted words, Kaif was trying. He had tried several topics which had ended up being non-starters with their mother and Kash around.

At least, it was a start to the three of them hanging out without Tia as the glue.

Across from her, her mother set down her fork and gave Kash a mild frown. "You shouldn't drink during the day, Kashmira," she said, voice pitched in that soft, familiar disapproval. "It's going to turn you into a middle-aged lush.”

The reflex to defend herself rose instantly. But faster than that, Kaif’s voice cut across the table, firm and low. "Enough, Mama."

Neena blinked, color leaching from her cheeks. “I’m just telling her?—”

“Kaif—” Kash said at the same time, casting a wary glance around. Luckily, the café was mostly empty.

Kaif’s fork fell to the plate with a clatter. “You need to stop.” He didn’t quite look at their mother, but it was painfully clear that he was addressing her. “Stop these nasty comments toward her. Stop acting as if she hasn’t been the perfect, responsible eldest daughter for years.” Kaif’s tone broke at the last and that, more than anything, made her mother stare at Kash.

“It’s just harmless suggestions—” Neena started.

“And yet they hurt me,” Kash bit out in a cracked voice, playing with the saltshaker.

“Exactly,” Kaif said, turning slightly in the seat to face their mother. “It’s an ugly habit and I won’t stand for it anymore.”

Neena’s lips trembled, her fingers playing with the edges of the napkin. “You invited me to lunch to attack me, Kaif?” She wouldn’t meet Kash’s eyes. “Did she put you up to this? Like she did Diego?”

Kash sat back in her chair with a sigh. “No. I didn’t, Mama.”

“That’s exactly what I’m talking about.” A pained sound escaped Kaif’s pursed lips that made Kash and her mother stiffen. “And no, to my eternal shame, Kash has never asked me for anything. Not even a word of support.”

His swallow was audible as he fully turned toward their mother. “Dad leaving us nearly three decades ago, when Kash was barely a teen, isn’t hers or your fault. But treating her as if she was already an adult is the worst thing you could have ever done.”

“What are you talking about?” Neena said, her eyes darting back and forth between her children. “Why would I blame her?”

“Then what the hell have you been doing for years? Why such lenience toward me and Kat when we made terrible mistakes and all she…” he nearly pounded the table in front of Kash, “did was clean up after us. Every. Single. Time. My God, she was more mother to Tia even when Kat was alive.”

Neena sputtered beside him, half-rising from her seat, but Kaif shook his head with such vehemence that she stilled. “I’ve had a long time to think of this, Mama. I came prepared today to say my bit. And you’re going to listen.”

Kaif’s voice dropped lower, rough with emotion. "You needed her to be strong," he said, looking directly at Neena now. "So you kept pushing her.”

Neena’s fingers shredded the napkin in her lap. "I only ever wanted her to be prepared for the world," she whispered, but the words sounded thin.

Kaif shook his head, his mouth twisting. "No, Mama. Somewhere along the way, you started leaning on her more and more. Then you resented her for doing it well."

Neena blinked rapidly, eyes filling up.

"You keep finding new reasons to poke at her. To criticize. Because it’s easier than admitting how much you leaned on her," Kaif said, his voice unflinching. “Easier than admitting that you were terrified that she might leave you too.”

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