Page 34 of Not In Love

“I’m happy for her. Not you.” He looked at Kaif, then back at her. “Did he at least ask how you were doing?”

Her fingers tightened over the edge of the island while she blinked. “You know him, Diego. He’ll get around to it.”

“Yeah, right.” He couldn’t help the accompanying scoff.

Shock held him in place as she reached for his left hand behind an army of lemonade bottles. “I’ve never said this before, but I appreciate you looking out for me.”

“Kash—”

“No, please let me say this. I might shrivel up with embarrassment if I have to try again. Sentimental words aren’t my forte.”

“I don’t need a thank you speech.”

“You were amazing that night,” she said, her throat bobbing up and down. “You have been amazing for months, years even, quietly holding me up, even when I didn’t appreciate it or acknowledge it.” She swiped at her eyes roughly. “This time, I think you staved off a breakdown I didn’t know I was heading for.”

Something knotted in his throat. He covered it with a dry smile. “Yeah, that’s why I did it. Altruism badge. Maybe even a certificate.”

Kash laughed. It broke the air between them like glass, unexpected and beautiful. If he looked through the shards, would he find his heart at her feet too? Jesus, what was happening to him?

His hope that he’d built it up too much in his head all these weeks got shot to hell.

“Seriously, even the fact that you didn’t return for weeks helped.”

“Exactly what every dumped lover wants to hear,” he said, heaping humor into his words.

“Hey!” she said, slapping his shoulder lightly. “I didn’t dump you.” Her gaze turned serious again. “I want to reassure you that I have a clear head about us. That I won’t make it awkward.” She licked her lower lip. “The time apart gave me the space I needed to see you for what you really are.”

He lifted a brow. “And what’s that?”

“Tia’s wonderful dad,” she said lightly.

He couldn’t help the short, rough laugh that escaped him. “Yeah? That’s what it did for you?”

“Mm-hmm.” She sipped her drink. “Clarity.”

“Well, for me it was the opposite,” he said, voice lowering. The words rushed out of him, unbidden. “I spent all of January trying to forget what it felt like when you clenched me tight. I remembered the sound you made when I bit your shoulder. The way your hands curled in my hair. That little breath you take right before you break.”

Her eyes widened, breath catching.

“I used those memories more times than I’ll admit,” he added, deadpan. “You were very generous material.”

She stared at him, speechless, flushed.

“But hey,” he said, straightening, “shame about all that clarity and enlightenment you’ve got going for you now. I guess they will help you when you’re frustrated in bed.”

Her outraged gasp was like music to his ears. Not that it was her fault for not wanting more, for adjusting to their reality like an adult.

He’d already said too much.

Feeling like a besotted fool, he walked away.

CHAPTER11

The house was quiet and still but breathing. With that late-night hush that settled over people and walls and warm beds after too much food, too much chatter, too many threads left unfinished.

Unsurprisingly, Kash couldn’t sleep. The cool duvet felt like a punishment against her bare legs, the walls surrounding her like it was an escape room she had to get out of.

No, not to escape as much as to seek him out.

---