Page 19 of Not In Love

Diego tried to stay still, even as his heart ramped up in his chest, as if stuck in a never-ending box-to-box drill.

Next to him, Kash was boneless and warm in deep sleep, as if she’d finally given up every last bit of her outer shell and had nothing else to keep her together.

He hadn’t meant to climb into bed with her. But she had folded into him like a mewling kitten and clung to him as he pushed to his feet. By the time he had brought her to the bed, she’d been fast asleep. No doubt her climax, after all this time, had completely ravaged her.

He wanted to believe that she trusted him to take care of her. This woman who didn’t let her guard down even with her best friends, trusted him. And he had delivered. Yes, some of it was macho pride but a large part was unadulterated relief that he’d been able to give her what she needed. It brought him more joy than any championship trophy he had ever won, and fuck if he knew what to make of that.

Even now, as he shifted, she curled into his side like her body knew exactly where to go. One arm draped over his stomach, a leg nudged between his. Her cheek pressed over his heart.

Her face though...she looked wrecked. Undone. All the polished perfection stripped away.

Lashes damp, lips parted, skin glowing gold where the moonlight hit it through the open French doors. Her sweaty curls stuck to her cheek. One hand was still bunched into his shirt like she was afraid he’d leave her.

A sigh rattled out of him. She would hate herself for the small weakness, even if it was in sleep. Tonight had been a big breakthrough for her, he got that. But he didn’t want her to run screaming from him because he’d witnessed it.

Would she let him stay when she woke? Or throw him out for every filthy thing he’d said to get her to come?

With Kash, he was damned if he did, damned if he didn’t. A dry chuckle escaped his lips at the thought. When he was around her though, every bit of that aimless lethargy he’d been feeling for months vanished. It was exhilarating, like he was on the pitch again, thousands of fans roaring his name, every move instinctive, the ball glued to his feet. But without the constant threat of bones shattering.

This was deeper. Quieter. Something lighting up in his gut, reminding him he could still feel like this. After years of feeling static.

Slowly, he pulled his arm from under her and untangled himself enough to roll out of the cushiony bed. He smiled when her slumber remained undisturbed.

Walking to the bathroom, while adjusting his painful erection under his tight jeans, he soaked a washcloth in water at the sink and squeezed the excess out. Returning to the bed, he gently wiped her face, starting with her brow, the damp skin above her lip, the hollow of her throat.

She didn’t stir, though her long, feathery lashes danced against those razor-sharp cheekbones. Then, lured in by the thick rose scent of her, he pressed a kiss to her temple.

She mewled, puffed out warm air through those lush lips but didn’t stir.

He let out a breath, then walked around the bed.

The air had shifted—cooler now, creeping through the open doors in slow drafts. Outside, the music from the kids’ pool had finally gone quiet. A muffled shout from across the resort echoed and faded.

He closed the gap in the French doors, his thoughts in a whirl.

A part of him, the rational part of him he nurtured more these days to be a better father to his little girl, urged him to leave. To end this here. He’d given Kash what she needed. If he walked out now, there was still a chance that they could write it off as a transaction.

But his gut, the boy in him that took risk after risk to get somewhere in the competitive field of soccer, screamed at him to stay. His cock was already her bitch anyway.

Even if Kash wanted more, the reality of their situation wouldn’t change. They were a touchstone in each other’s life, for Tia’s sake. Who knew, after this breakthrough, Kash might even throw herself back into the dating game. Might find another man who could shatter her like he had done.

The very thought made his gut twist. And it wasn’t just the fact that he wanted to fuck her back into surrendering to him, wanted to break her all over again and put her back together.

Only for his eyes, only at his hands.

It was more. Around Kash, he felt rooted. Anchored in a way he hadn’t in years. Like something in him had found ground.

Everywhere else—even in the stadiums, the PR meetings, the coaching plans—he was just drifting, making noise, moving through his days.

But here? With her?

It was the next big crossroads. Something he wouldn’t be able to undo if he went forward. But something he would always regret not walking toward.

So, no, he wasn’t leaving, not until she kicked him out. Even then, he’d have it out of her, make her squirm and writhe under his gaze, play with this version of her before her armor was back up again.

* * *

Kash woke slowly,like surfacing through warm water.

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