Just because my brother pushed my buttons didn’t mean this was his fault. It was hard to tell him that when he was busy marrying the woman who dumped me while I was still in rehab though.
But I was trying. He was my twin. He was born my best friend, and there were days I missed that more than I missed my legs.
Which was why I said yes to being in his wedding and to this fuck-ass bachelor’s trip.
Now, I was in Vegas with my brother and all his law school frat boy buddies, listening to him go on and on about what a good fuck my ex was. Which I knew. I was there before him.
I taught her everything she was good at now, God damn it.
Not that I was going to say that, as vindicating as it would feel. Instead, I smiled and pretended like it wasn’t really goddamn weird and counted down the minutes until I could go home.
“Where are you right now?”
Shit, I’d almost forgotten I was on the phone. Ford was more of a brother to me now than Killian had ever been, and he was usually on my side. Tonight, however, his tone was full of pity and irritation. He had that disappointed dad voice down to a T, which normally worked on me, but considering he was on the other side of the country, I could ignore it.
All the guys had tried to talk me out of going on this trip, but for some reason, I still felt like I owed Killian.
I didn’t know why. He had my old life. He had my former girl. He got to walk on two legs and read like a normal person instead of shoving his face a centimeter from the computer screen and blowing it up to three hundred percent. He had a good job, so much money he didn’t have to stress about paying his electric bill, a house, two nice cars, and a goddamn picket fence.
I had no idea why he still hated me so damn much. The way he’d been acting this trip, it was clear he’d brought me along to shove his success in my face.
“I’m outside the casino,” I finally said. I glanced up at the lights, which looked all foggy with my scarred lens. I could feel the weight of my white cane in my back pocket, but I never,everused it when my brother was around. He got weird enough when I used my wheelchair or walking cane, and I was in no mood to baby his feelings. “I think the guys want to go to a strip club.”
“Are you going?”
“To stare at weird, blobby, tit-shaped things in the dark?” I snorted. “Nah. I think I’m going to get shit-faced and lose my life savings at the craps table.”
“Or,” Ford pressed, “you can go to your room and order one of those really loud pornos and jerk off until you fall asleep. Then send Killian the bill.”
His idea had some merit. Mine was better. “Split the difference? Lose my rent money and stop drinking before I black out, and watch porn until I fall asleep, and then send him the bill?”
“I’m not bailing you out if you make bad choices,” he warned.
“Love you too, baby. Talk later.” I hung up before he could give me any more of a lecture.
“I didn’t know you were seeing someone.” I jumped half a foot at the sudden voice behind me. It was impossible not to recognize my brother. I turned my head until he came into my view. “And please don’t make any sight jokes.”
He still refused to use the wordblind. It was kind of hilarious making him edge around it. “Why do you think I’m seeing someone?”
“Love you too?Baby? You can’t fool me, Tuck.” Everyone called me that, but I hated when it came from him. It was too familiar for a guy who hadn’t been out to visit me even once since I’d moved to the East Coast.
His accusation almost made me laugh. I forgot my brother didn’t have friends. At least, not any real ones. He had former frat brothers who peaked their senior year of undergrads. People he still followed on Facebook but who would never really be there for him if shit hit the fan.
He didn’t know what it was like to be loved almost unconditionally by people who weren’t forced into it by blood. And it was for that reason alone I felt sorry for him. It was the one thing money couldn’t buy.
“That was Ford. You’d like him, you know. He’s all responsible, and nice, and good-looking. You should come visit and actually meet him so you could?—”
“What?” he tried. “See if I steal him too? See if you can trust me around the man you like? Is this why you won’t tell me when you’re dating someone?”
I stared at him. “I don’t tell you when I’m dating someone because you never call, Killian. When was the last time you wanted to catch up?”
His mouth opened, then clamped shut, and his gaze darted away like it was too hard to look at me. I got it. It was hard to look at him too. He used to be my mirror image, but the only thing that proved we were identical anymore was our DNA.
When he said nothing, I let out a small sigh. “Can you not tonight? Please. This whole trip is weird enough as it is.”
“I knew it! I knew you thought being here was weird. Jesus, why did you even come, Tuck? Are you trying to punish me or something?”
“What the fuck?” This time, I did laugh. “How the hell is me dragging my ass on the trip to celebrate you marrying my ex punishingyou?”