Page 53 of Cross the Line
His voice is warm, but the intensity in his eyes fills me with heat. I have to glance away. Otherwise, I’ll be tempted to make another mistake.
‘You want to finishOm Shanti Omtonight?’ he asks, blessedly turning away so he can grab a towel from the shelf. He scrubs it over his face, wiping away that look in his eye. ‘I could use a laugh. And I could stand to get lost in someone else’s drama for a while.’
I absolutely want to spend the evening with him, but I’m quickly reminded of how our last movie night ended. ‘Is Mark going to come chase you away again?’ I ask drily.
He snorts and tosses the towel to the side, confirming what I suspected before. Mark was the reason Dev left my room so suddenly last week.
‘We’ll have to see,’ he says, snagging a bottle of water off the table and cracking the lid. ‘He may not even let me out after curfew.’
I bite the inside of my cheek to distract myself from the little pang of hurt. Moving over to the small couch, I sit and draw my knees to my chest.
‘I know Mark doesn’t like me very much,’ I say. I’ve always kept that thought to myself. But if Dev’s shown me anything today, it’s that our hurts are better let out than kept in. ‘I get why, though.’
‘What?’ he says, searching my face in disbelief. ‘That’s not true.’
I shake my head, averting my eyes. ‘You don’t have to pretend. It’s clear he doesn’t like having me around. I probably remind him of everything with Jeremy – of how I ruined your friendship with him and the other guys.’
‘You didn’t ruin anything.’ His voice is gritty and sure. ‘You know that, right?’
‘Yeah, of course.’ I wave a hand, brushing away his question and my blatant lie. ‘It’s just—’
‘No, seriously.’ He sets the bottle of water on the table and stalks forward until he’s standing in front of me. ‘None of that was your fault. Jeremy was an absolute piece of shit. That’s why we cut him off. And the guys who sided with him? Also pieces of shit. We grew up together, sure, but that doesn’t mean we were supposed to stay friends for ever. I’m not interested in wasting time on people who think treating anyone the way Jeremy treated you is okay.’
His words hit me like a wave of relief. One I didn’t realize I needed. But none of that explains why Mark can’t stand being around me.
‘Then why does Mark hate me?’ I blurt.
The second the words leave my mouth, I wish I could pull them back in. I’m a people-pleaser down to my core. I’ve always cared more than I should about whether people like me. That habit has waned a bit over the past few years, which can certainly be attributed to Chantal’s and Grace’s influence. Their don’t-give-a-fuck attitudes have rubbed off on me, but the need to please those around me and to be liked by my peers is so ingrained I’m not sure it’ll ever fully dissipate. And it’s why my unsuccessful job search stings so much – no one has liked me enough to hire me.
It’s also why Dev’s comment about being unwanted struck me so hard. Because I know what it’s like to not be wanted. From jobs to Jeremy to being the fragile-jointed younger sister who couldn’t do anything without getting hurt. I know what it’s like to be shoved to the side and what it’s like to feel pushed out.
Dev’s expression softens as he crouches in front of me, hands resting on the outsides of my ankles. ‘Mark doesn’t hate you,’ he murmurs. ‘I promise.’
I swallow hard, wishing I didn’t care so much. ‘But he doesn’t want me around. And he doesn’t want me aroundyou.’
The way the corners of Dev’s lips pull up in a knowing smile has my heart beating harder and a frown tugging on my own mouth.
‘I think you know exactly what that’s about.’
I stop breathing and watch him. He tenderly brushes his thumbs across the skin of my ankles just above my socks, and the way his brown eyes have melted has my insides doing the same.
‘I don’t know what you mean,’ I lie, though my voice breaks, betraying my words.
Of course, Dev still humours me. ‘He’s afraid I’ll throw the agreement you and I have out the window. He thinks I’ll make a move on you.’
‘That’s not going to happen,’ I say, going for resolute, but it comes out as more of a whisper. ‘He has nothing to worry about.’
‘He thinks he does. And I’m not sure he’s wrong.’
My heart has found its way into my throat. ‘Dev . . .’
I’m not sure if the universe is trying to help me or conspire against me, but a knock on the door has me jumping, my ankles jerking out of his grasp.
‘The engineers are ready to talk,’ a deep voice calls from the other side. ‘Can you be down in five?’
Dev scowls, and the lines of his throat work as he swallows. ‘Yeah,’ he calls back, sounding a little pained. ‘I’ll be there.’ A beat passes before his dark eyes swing back to me, some of their previous openness gone. ‘Guess I have to go face the Judases.’
I’m torn over how to respond. I could jump back into our previous topic, clear it all up now. But I’m afraid of what I’ll let slip if the conversation goes back. I’m afraid I might tell him that Mark’s fears are well founded.
